Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs
by Loveless6825
Summary: A small collection of drabbles and short stories that I wrote...they take place before, during, and after Gilan's apprenticeship. It'll eventually have fifty chapters in all...I really hope that you enjoy them. There isn't any SLASH in them, but if you want there to be you can pretend. There may be some mild swearing in a few. Thanks, guys...I'll edit these someday.
1. Snow Drifts

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter One: Snow Drifts

Summary: A Halt/Gilan fluff. It's wintertime, and there are some mighty fine hills out there...warning: alarming level of cuteness may choke you.

**EDIT: This is a short story I wrote a long while back...it has a large amount of mistakes and is horribly written compared to how I write now...but it has merit. I really hope you enjoy it. Someday I'll get around to editing it, as well as finishing it...sorry about that.**

It was snowing again, Halt saw with disgust, gazing out the window of his cabin. Fat, twinkling white flakes of icy dandruff drifted down from God-knows-where, covering everything in a thick white blanket, unaware of its silent, scowling watcher, not knowing that in moments it would be melted by the burning glare of a Ranger who hated snow almost as much as he hated anything in his coffee—especially honey.

Sitting down and then standing up immediately afterward, Halt nearly went to go make some nice hot coffee, which was on his mind—until he remembered that they were fresh out of the bitter, refreshing drink, and that he had sent Gilan, his apprentice, to go out and get some without freezing on the way there and back, and to bring back plenty of it, as Halt was needing the drink much more than usual. Gilan, of course, had noticed that...but even he had the good sense not to ask Halt anything while his mentor was in a foul mood, which he always was these days.

Gilan had been wondering, silently of course, if Halt was having problems with Pauline. Halt was always having problems with Pauline, he knew; just a month ago, he'd overheard the two arguing quietly, as if trying not to let anyone let on that they were frustrated with each other. The things Pauline had said to poor Halt were things Gilan never wanted to repeat.

"Gilan had better be home soon, damn it," Halt muttered, running one hand through his messy hair, which had two little streaks of gray in it that he had no idea of, though Gilan and, of course, Pauline did. In his early thirties, Halt felt old already. (Prolly not how old he really was, but who cares? XD!) And his goofy apprentice was nowhere in sight, had been gone all morning, and Halt was beginning to worry, even considering going out to find the boy—and some coffee—himself.

Heading to his small bedroom, Halt began to pull on warmer clothes, tossing his lighter outfit onto his bedroom floor in a very unHalt-like manner. His greater instincts took over, however, as he began to pull one boot on and then, with a sigh, he folded and put the discarded clothes away almost absently. Cursing his obsession to neatness, the Ranger yanked on his boot's fellow, pulled on his gray-and-green cloak, seizing his longbow, full quiver, and knives—and was almost at the door, ready to go and saddle Abelard, when it opened and a very excited Gilan stumped in, tracking snow everywhere, a large sack in his arms.

"Hullo, Halt," Gil said cheerfully, and then noticed Halt's bundled clothing, the disbelief written straight across his face, the longbow in his hand, and then the tall boy's eyes lit up. "Oh, good! You're all ready to go outside with me."

Bewildered, Halt watched his apprentice munch on a crunchy slice of bread, which Gilan had seemingly conjured out of nowhere. "Go outside?" he repeated, not sure he had heard right. Incredulity edged his puzzled tone, and he didn't try to hide it from Gil, who would just catch on anyway. "Gil, it's freezing outside. I, for one, am not going anywhere. Did you get me my coffee?" he added, but Gilan only gestured absently to the large bundle on the table, where he had set it down, leaving it there. I'll take that as a yes, Halt thought hopefully, almost missing Gilan's protests.

"You've got to come outside with me, Halt! We can have a snowball fight and build a snowman that looks like Baron Arald. I did that last year. Anyway, I was on my way down to the village when I saw this girl, my age, sliding down a hill on a big piece of wood. I stopped by to ask her what she was doing, and she said she was sledding! Maidee is really pretty," Gilan finished wistfully, with an almost dreamy sigh.

Halt hid a smirk before two things clicked in his mind, and he backed up slightly away from the grinning, advancing Gilan. Maidee is Pauline's apprentice, he reminded himself warily, and then found himself suddenly knocked to the floor, pinned down by Gilan, who was much taller and heavier than he, Halt, who was small and of a rather light weight. But even so, Halt was stronger than him, and was soon in a crouch, circling his apprentice while drawing his saxe knife. Gilan just laughed and lunged for it, yanking it out of his surprised mentor's hand. Tackled again, Halt scowled up at Gilan, who grinned down at the sulking Ranger. "Count me out, Gilan. I'm not going outside today, and nothing you do can make me."

~*~Fifteen minutes later~*~

Swinging himself off Abelard's saddle, Halt wondered how in the world Gilan had managed to convince him to come outside to where Maidee and Pauline had seemingly been. Tackling me repeatedly must have had something to do with it, he mused, laughing to himself at how they had practically destroyed the cabin with their little attacks on each other, which Halt found effective, a new training system that could be used to help Gilan with his Ranger business.

"We're here!" Gilan cried out in joy, beginning to run. Halt wondered why Gilan had so heatedly insisted that they bring along a long length of fishing cord, and two extra pairs of gloves that hooked together, and a huge piece of wood that Gilan said would help them slide down the hills easily.

"Can't I go back to the cabin?" Halt grumbled to Gilan, shivering. "They're not here. Look, this place is desert—"

He stopped talking as a pair of hands went over his eyes, and then his shoulders slumped as a familiar voice appeared right by his left ear. "Who's not here? You weren't expecting somebody, were you, Halt?" Lady Pauline laughed quietly. "Who were you two coming here for?"

"Maidee," Gilan announced brightly, and then grinned as she peered out from behind Pauline's back, smiling at him and then skipping over, damp with snow. "Hullo, Maidee," Gilan mumbled, suddenly shy in front of her, and then held up his make-shift sled. "I brought my own this time, so we don't have to use yours and I don't have to pay you."

"And you dragged Halt along with you so that he could watch you kiss my apprentice?" Pauline retorted, cutting off Maidee's reply to Gilan's show of sledding material. "I don't think so. Did he come by himself, or did you force him?"

Gilan grinned. "I told him I would throw him into the fire if he didn't come and build a snowman with me. When I said that you had been there earlier, he finally gave up and came."

"No coffee for you when we get home," Halt said mildly to him, but quietly so that nobody else heard. Gilan's smile faded instantly, and then he pulled Maidee after him. The two took off up the hill, leaving the mentors to watch in amusement as they rolled, slid, and toppled down the hill repeatedly. Silence stretched between the two, and it became increasingly awkward as they caught each other gazing looking at the other from out of the corner of their eyes.

"I see your training is going well," Pauline observed as Gilan produced a recurve bow from out of nowhere, and then seemingly tied something onto the end of it, which Halt recognized suddenly as the practically unbreakable fishing cord. What was Gil doing? "What's he doing?" Lady Pauline asked, as if she had read Halt's mind.

"I'm not sure," Halt admitted, and stood up. "What are you doing, Gil?" he called out, but either Gilan ignored him, or didn't hear him over the howling winter wind that whipped Halt's already-tousled hair in his face, tangling it all hopelessly. Finally, after being ignored/unheard for multiple minutes, Halt sat down again, contented to just watch for now, wanting to know what Gil was doing with that cord and arrow, as well as the gloves.

Halt and Pauline soon had their questions answered as Gilan shot the arrow straight into a wide tree trunk, causing it to land home with a satisfying chunk, and then Gilan tugged it a few times, making sure it was stuck tight. Halt watched curiously as his apprentice stood on the piece of polished wood he had brought along, crouching slightly and having Maidee hold the thing in place while he placed the strong hook between the gloves onto the cord, shouted something, and then Maidee let go, let him begin to slide down the hill with increasing speed as Gilan laughed—right before he crashed directly into the tree.

When Gilan didn't get up, Maidee ran down the hill, and the two mentors stood up, waiting to see if Gil moved. He didn't, and then Halt began to stagger over, tripping often over snow drifts, trying to reach the one that his apprentice had collapsed into. When he did, he fell to his knees beside the motionless Gilan and the frantic Maidee, slapping his apprentice's face gently, trying to wake him. "Gil?" he said uncertainly, waiting for the boy to move—to do something. He was breathing, Halt saw with relief, and then sighed when Gilan stirred slightly, a faint smile appearing on his lips as he seemed to unconsciously move closer to his mentor's touch.

Rolling his eyes, Halt propped him up into a sitting position, and then Gilan's eyes fluttered open. Immediately, his hand went to his forehead, where he had hit the tree. "Ouch."

"That's all you have to say?" Halt snapped at him. "What about, 'sorry for scaring the hell out of you, Halt'?"

Gilan grinned. "I thought I wasn't allowed to swear? Wouldn't that get me in trouble if I said that, Halt?"

Hitting the boy upside the head (gently, of course), Halt stood up, grumbling under his breath, and left the two apprentices to take care of each other, mostly involving riding down the hill again, while Halt returned to the smiling Pauline. "You didn't hit him too hard, did you?" she asked teasingly as Halt sat down next to her again. "He looked slightly stunned and his eyes crossed for a minute when you did."

"Shut up, Pauline," Halt muttered, and Pauline laughed, lying her head down on his shoulder and then leaning upward slightly to kiss him. Halt felt himself freeze in place as she did so, but realized the full extent of her little plan as a handful of snow was dropped down his shirt, chilling him instantly as he leaped to his feet, swearing, and tried to shake the ice out of his tunic and cloak before it all melted.

Laughing, Pauline ran away from him before he could do anything to grab her, determined to wash her face with snow. Sprinting after her, Halt abruptly collided with something very solid, and felt himself crash to the ground, face-first in the snow. Cursing, Gilan tried to roll over, attempting to untangle himself from his mentor. Finally giving up, the two flopped back down onto the trampled snow, sighing in defeat as the two they had been with waved goodbye cheerfully and then went on their way.

"Gilan?" Halt said thoughtfully, and Gil winced, waiting for the scolding.

"Yes, Halt?"

"Never drag me out into the snow again. Oh, and Gilan?" Halt said, sitting up as much as he could to look his apprentice in his eye. Gil was surprised to see that his mentor looked very, very hopeful. "Will you make me some coffee once we get back to the cabin?"

Gilan gave a slightly nervous laugh, and Halt's slight smile disappeared. "Well, about the coffee...I never really got any. What I was carrying before was bread, which was the only thing I felt like...getting..." He trailed off as Halt started to get that flat, dangerous look in his eyes, and the boy wished that he wasn't stuck here on the ground with his mentor, unable to move as a result from sledding directly into him and being temporarily paralyzed, stuck here.

"Gilan?"

"Yes, Halt?" Here it came.

"When we get home, I'm going to throw you into the fire."

**Thanks for reading...I really hope that you enjoy the rest of the drabbles. There are quite a few of them...and I apologize for any spelling, grammar, or structure mistakes; I wrote this a long time ago...**


	2. Not So Silent Stalker

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Two: "Silent" Stalker

Summary: Halt has no idea if he's ready for an apprentice, especially one like Gilan. Well, it's time for him to find out, isn't it? Slight fluff, I would suppose. Depends on what I write as I go on with this chappie, lol.

**All right! The next chapter is up ^_^! Well, it wasn't while I was writing this (Like right now (well now really anymore, to you))...and...I'm confused. Never mind, okay?**

**Well, how about you read this while I listen to the boy-voice version of Caramelldansen and sing along with the Swedish version? Yes, I know some Swedish. And Finnish. And some French. XD! Mostly Finnish, so I will speak some at the end of this thing, so you can go ahead and read now, if you want. Hahahaha.**

What would it be like to have an apprentice? That thought was on Halt's mind as he gazed at a tall boy with a sword, wondering if the young man was truly serious about his wanting to be a Ranger, not a knight. His father had told Halt the boy's wish, days and days ago, and Halt hadn't been able to push the thought out of his mind ever since.

Having been a Ranger for merely ten years, as he had turned twenty-nine just a month ago, Halt wasn't sure if he was ready for the extra responsibility, as well as having a young man in the house, eating everything and most likely bringing girls to the cabin regularly.

"Halt?" The Ranger turned at the sound of a voice, and saw that the boy in particular had turned to look at him as well, and his father was standing right at Halt's side, speaking to him. "He told me last night that he was going to try and follow you home."

"I know," Halt replied quietly, and then sighed. This was it. Would he have an apprentice or not? "I should best be leaving, at that. Supper doesn't cook itself."

The man beside him chuckled and nodded. "It doesn't. Well, Halt, it was nice seeing you again. Take care of my son, would you?"

"Of course." For a moment, Halt almost felt the urge to call out to the boy to hurry up and come along, and just get it over with. Resisting that foolish idea, he shook the knight's hand, and turned to leave the large house, noticing (out of the corner of his eye, of course) that the boy's eyes followed his every move. Gilan, he remembered. That was the young man's name, was Gilan. His father called him Gil each and every time he mentioned his son. He turned his head slightly to see if the boy was still watching—and found him to be nowhere in sight.

Just as he had expected.

Glad he hadn't brought Abelard along, as the horse would probably just be a problem, Halt entered the thick forest and then deliberately made noise, knowing that the boy was hoping that he would be able to find the Ranger. He even left his tracks and stood in plain sight, though it made him rather edgy.

Halt walked. And he walked. Almost absently, he continued to listen to the boy's trying-to-be-silent trek through the forest behind him, and sighed, stopping for a moment before continuing on. Gilan was so noisy! How would that turn out? He couldn't have a loud apprentice; it would drive him to insanity within a day or two. His "silent" stalker seemed to be trying to keep quiet, almost right behind Halt, and finally the Ranger decided that he should just sit down and eat some lunch, as it was around midday, and he had a lot to do today.

Unpacking bread and cheese, as well as a small waterskin (he didn't have the time to make coffee right now), he began to munch on his food, knowing that the young man, Gilan, was just a few feet away, watching him. He thinks he's out of sight, Halt thought scornfully, and then narrowed his eyes as he heard the boy creeping closer, until he was almost right behind Halt. Instantly, the Ranger spasmed into action, dropping the bread, seizing the boy's wrist, and then flipping him right over into the nearby stream.

Standing over the spluttering young man, Halt glared. "_What_, pray tell, do you think you are doing?" he demanded, saxe knife in hand. The boy gulped and then pushed the hair out of his eyes, which were as wide as saucers. "You're doing it all wrong, making so much noise that a nearby farmer could think that fifty horses are running through!"

Blinking in bewilderment, Gilan sat up slowly as Halt began to lecture him on how much noise he had been making, the saxe knife back in the Ranger's belt. "Aren't you going to kill me or send me back to my father?" the boy said finally, and Halt paused, frowning.

"You followed me," the Ranger said, as if this were obvious. "No sane person does that without a good reason. Now, are you coming or not? We have a lot to do today."

"What...I can come with you?" Gilan was astonished. He had expected Halt to send him right back to his father and have done with it! Not this, to tell him to hurry up and come.

"Didn't I just say that? Now _get a move on_. The baron has no idea that I have a new apprentice, and he'll be angry with me if I don't let him know. And we have a visitor tonight, so we need to make supper for three. Do you know how to cook?" he asked the young man, bundling the bread, water, and cheese again, tucking it away as he stood and began to move through the trees.

Gilan looked baffled. "Cook?" he said, and Halt sighed. _That's a no, obviously._ "I don't think so. I was never taught."

"A simple 'no' works just as well, boy," Halt told him sarcastically, and then frowned. "You're making too much noise. Be more quiet."

He watched curiously as a flat look came into Gilan's eyes, and then the boy looked at him pointedly. "If I had known how to do that, Halt, I would have done so. You'll have to tell me how first."

_Smart ass. _"Well, you could have asked nicely," Halt retorted, wondering how on earth this boy would manage to be his apprentice without being killed early. "The first thing you'll need to learn is just a little bit of respect. You can't just go around talking that way to people that are older than you, especially Rangers. If you had said that to Crowley, he would have most likely gutted you."

Of course, Halt knew perfectly well that Crowley would have just laughed and let it go, amused at how the boy acted, but Gilan didn't know that, right? Right. "Sorry," Gilan said a bit more meekly than before. "I'm just so confused. Why didn't you get angry at me for following you?"

Halt didn't answer, but instead gave him instructions on how to be more quiet while going through the trees. "Don't let me hear you," he ordered, and Gilan nodded doubtfully, trying to do as was told of him. Halt listened to him flounder along, trying to be more silent than he had been before, and then the Ranger sighed. Already, he was wondering whether or not this was all a bad idea.

_~*~Half An Hour Later~*~_

Baron Arald looked up as a knock on the door was heard, and he frowned, wondering if he had scheduled a meeting with anyone for today. Well, right now was a good enough time as any to find out. "Come in," he called out, still puzzled. His confusion melted away as Ranger Halt stepped into the room—but his confusion came back when he saw the young man with Halt.

"Who is this?" he asked Halt, who, scowling, replied after a moment of gazing at Gilan.

"This is Gilan."

"And why is he with you?" Arald recognized the boy's name from someplace, though he couldn't recall where he had heard it before. Did Halt have a secret son that he'd never told anyone about? He tossed that thought away as he looked from the Ranger to the young man; the boy was taller than Halt, with light brown hair that fell over his eyes in tousled strands. While this boy was tall and gangly, with lighter hair, Halt was small with dark hair and dark eyes. They were definitely not related in any way. Then...why?

Gilan was speaking now. "Can I _please_ be Halt's apprentice? He says I can, but then he said that you would be angry if he didn't ask you first! _Please_ let me be a Ranger!"

Halt elbowed the boy in the side discreetly. "Shut up and let me handle this!" he hissed to Gil, who closed his mouth instantly, eyes wide. Baron Arald had heard enough, though, and was shocked. Halt, take on an apprentice? What on earth would come out of that? World destruction?

"Are you sure, Halt?" Arald asked the Ranger quietly, and blinked once when Halt nodded and shrugged.

"Why not? I'll teach him to cook, and I bet he'll be fine at chopping firewood, as well as taking care of horses." Everything clicked into place at that point, and Arald laughed. Halt was going to use the boy as his own little servant while teaching him the ways of a Ranger! This was going to be fun to watch, and wondered how it would go for Halt.

And now he realized that the two were waiting for an answer. "Well, go ahead and try it out, Halt," Arald said finally, and then watched a grin go across Gilan's face. Instantly he recognized who the boy was, and then smiled, remembering how the young man really was. Yes, Halt was in for a very difficult time, if he remembered correctly.

According to Arald, he would never forget Gilan's normal behavior. It was in the boy's nature. And Halt would have to figure that out the hard way.

_~*~That Evening~*~_

"Get the door, Gilan," Halt called out, and the boy nodded, coming out of his new bedroom and then accidentally knocking over the bench as he walked straight into it. Halt watched with slumped shoulders as the young man hopped over it, tried to pick it up again, failed, and then sighed as Gil went to the door and opened it. "Who is it?" Halt asked when Gilan grinned, nodded, and then stepped back. Halt's question was answered when Lady Pauline came in, gazing at Gilan curiously.

Pauline dismissed Gilan's appearance when Halt came out of the kitchen to greet her. "Good evening, Halt. Who's this, here?" she asked then, looking at Gilan again, her curiosity back.

"This is Gilan, my apprentice," Halt replied, and then went back to making stew. "He tried to follow me home, and I caught him. He's annoying, I admit, but he's also a nice young man. We're not able to talk about anything that's strictly business between Couriers and Rangers, however. He would be much too bored to listen to that."

Just as Halt thought he would, Gilan protested. "Halt, I don't mind! You can talk about that in front of me. I'm your apprentice now, after all, and I should know what Rangers actually do. If you want to talk to Pauline about _those_ sort of things, though, I'll leave the room."

Now _that_ hadn't been something Halt had expected, and his eyes went wide as he cleared his throat a few times. "Gilan, why don't you go and chop some firewood for me, or go to your bedroom? You need to learn not to say those things in front of people, and you need to learn quickly." _Where did he learn all those things, anyway?_ "Do you understand?"

"Of course, Halt," Gilan said with a smirk, and then went out of the cabin, closing the door softly behind him. Pauline was hiding a grin, Halt could tell, and scowled at her.

"What's so funny?" he snapped, and then piled stew on each of the three plates, pouring coffee into three mugs and then handing Pauline the plates of food so she could set the table.

"Nothing," Pauline said innocently, and then paused, looking at him out of the corner of her eye almost slyly. _Uh oh._ "Why _don't_ we ever talk about 'those sort of things,' Halt? After all, we are very good friends, maybe more than friends, and we've known each other for a long time."

"Ahh..." Halt swallowed hard, not knowing how to get out of this. "I...think I should go get Gilan. It's time to eat and he's still outside..."

Moving quickly toward the door while making sure Pauline was never out of his sight, Halt opened up the door, letting in the cool night air, and called for Gilan. Moments later, Gil bounded into the cabin, holding a small stack of firewood which he dropped by the door, much to the annoyed reaction of Halt.

"You made coffee?" Gilan said doubtfully, once he saw the hot drink. "I don't like..." He trailed off at the stern look Halt was giving him. "Uh...Great! I _love_ coffee! Thanks, Halt."

Pauline smirked, and then Halt silently encouraged Gilan to drink up. A few minutes later, moping up the drink that Gilan had both spit out (He hadn't liked the bitter flavor) and dropped onto the floor (It had been too hot), Halt decided that the coffee would have to wait.

After all, now that Gilan was his apprentice, they had a few years until Gil was just as obsessed as the rest of the Rangers were. They had time.

**Well, how did you like this one? I don't think I liked it as much...but whatever, eh? I hope you guys did! The next short-story will have only a little bit of Gilan in it, okay? Most of it will be about Halt and Pauline. It'll be funny, though.**

**Anyway, R&R! :D!**

**Again, I hoped you liked this.**

**Velvet out! ^_^**


	3. Pauline's Many Mistakes

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Two: Pauline's Many Mistakes

Summary: This is pretty much all the times Pauline has thought Halt was going to ask her to marry him. There are many of those times, and each of them (except one. Well, twice really. You'll see how XD!) will be a mistake. Poor Pauline. Will Halt _ever_ ask her? At this rate, nope...haha.

**All right! Well, here we are again. This one I had really been looking forward to writing XD! So let's cut this little author note thing short and get to the point! Woot. ^_^**

Age 18

Lying down on the top of the hill, gazing at the stars, Halt sighed in contentment, knowing that just a few inches away lay Pauline, next to him. "This is nice," Pauline said softly, and then rolled over to be right next to Halt, lying her head on his shoulder and then snuggling up against him. "Why don't we do this more often?"

"I'm not sure," Halt replied, closing his eyes, happy at how this night was turning out. Then he sat up, hesitating slightly. "Pauline?" he said carefully, and Pauline sat up as well, wondering if he was finally going to ask her to marry him. Eagerly, she nodded, eyes bright. She couldn't wait for him to finally ask her! "Well...I was wondering," Halt said slowly, drawing out the words as if he wasn't sure of what he was even saying. "Will you...um. Do you want to spend Christmas with me?"

Instantly, Pauline's shoulders slumped in flat disbelief. _Are you serious?_ "Of course, Halt. I'll spend Christmas with you, as long as you get me a present."

Halt smiled, which was rare. "Good. Oh, and Pauline?"

_Will he ask me? _"What do you want for Christmas?"

Age 20

It was just like that night, when they had been eighteen years old, only tonight was much different. Halt had asked her to dinner! Beaming, Pauline stood in front of her mirror and brushed her hair, knowing that tonight, Halt was sure to ask her to marry him.

He had to. And if not, Pauline would just kill him! He'd kept her waiting for such a long time now, and finally he had asked her out to dinner. And _he'd seemed nervous while doing so_. Pauline knew tonight was special.

Hearing a knock on the door, she quickly went to open it, smiling when Halt stepped into the room. "Ready to go, Pauline?"

"Of course!" Heading out the door, Pauline resisted the urge to clap excitedly, knowing that Halt was gazing at her, though trying to be discreet about it. This was going to be one night she would remember, she just knew it.

_~*~At Dinner~*~_

Sneaking a look at Pauline, Halt sighed and then touched the ring in his pocket, not knowing how he was going to do this. That night, when they had been eighteen, he had completely chickened out. Well, it wasn't going to happen this time! If it did, he would just have to avoid everyone for the next year or so, to avoid the embarrassment that was sure to come if he didn't just ask her, finally.

"Pauline?" he said hesitantly, and then Pauline looked up hopefully. _He's going to ask me! Finally!_

"Yes, Halt?"

For a moment, Halt didn't say anything, and then finally continued. "Will...Well, what I'm trying to ask you...is...um. Do you think I have a bad haircut?" he blurted finally, wondering what on earth he was saying now. "Crowley says so, and so does everyone else!"

_You're joking, right?_ "Of course not, Halt," Pauline reassured him through gritted teeth, wondering where the best place to hit him was. _Right between the legs. He'll be aching for the next three years._ "I love your haircut. Just don't listen to what Crowley says. He's just an ass." _An ass that wouldn't be afraid to ask a girl to marry him, at that._

Halt nodded with a smile. "Good. Oh, and Pauline?"

"Yes, Halt?" _He'd better ask me to marry him._

"Will you help me trim my hair tomorrow?"

Age 21

Pauline couldn't believe what she was doing. Eyes closed, she continued to kiss Halt, who was surprisingly returning the kiss. Having had invited him over for dinner and coffee that night, what had been strictly business talk had suddenly become completely the opposite of that. It had been rather shocking for her, and Halt as well.

Breaking apart for a moment, Halt caught his breath while Pauline lied her head on his shoulder, eyes closed. As a Ranger, it was odd for him to get the way he was over anything, a flush spreading across his cheeks, heart racing. Though he was acting this way, and Pauline seemed to realize it; a very small smirk could be seen. Sitting up a bit more, Halt discreetly put one hand into his pocket, gripping the ring tightly. This time, he _would_ ask Pauline to marry him. Opening his mouth to speak, he found words coming out.

"Pauline?"

_Here it is. He's _so_ going to ask me._

"Yes, Halt?"

"Will you..." _Just say it. She won't kill you over it. Maybe you'll even have a child someday. _That last thought, though, was the one that caused him to chicken out and say his next words. "Will you get me some more coffee?"

Age 23

"Pauline? Will you—"

"Of course, Halt!" Pauline blurted out, before she could stop herself. Bewildered, Halt shook his head slightly. "Oh, sorry," Pauline mumbled. She had been thinking about how Halt always asked her something else when she thought he would be asking her to marry him, and the words had come out before she knew what she was even saying. "I wasn't paying attention. What was that?"

Swallowing hard, Halt backed away slightly. Well, there went his chances to get some cake from Pauline. She's probably ill today, he told himself warily. "Well...never mind, then. I've got to go the village and pick up some coffee."

He bolted.

Age 28

It had been more than a month since he had spoken to Pauline. Exhausted from his day's work as a Ranger, Halt made his way down to Redmont's castle, wanting to at least catch a glimpse of her. His hand was in his pocket, holding the ring tightly, the ring he had bought when he was eighteen years old. Still, he hadn't given it to her. Would he ever?

Swinging down off of Abelard, Halt patted his horse on the neck briefly. "Stay," he ordered his beloved mount, and it seemed to say back to him, _"Whatever. Go chicken out of engaging again or something, Halt."_

Halt rolled his eyes at Abelard. "I won't do that again. This time, I'm going to ask her, and nothing can stop me from doing so."

Famous last words.

"Pauline!" Halt called out as she went by, and then the Courier turned around, caught sight of him, and waved. Halt ran over, smiling at her, and then Pauline reached out to touch the scruffy beard he had grown.

"You've grown a beard." She paused, and then beamed. "It looks good on you, Halt!"

_I'm definitely not shaving it off now. _Nodding his thanks, Halt opened his mouth to speak—and found the words unable to come out of his mouth. Biting his bottom lip, he gripped the ring in his pocket. _Ask. Her. Now._ "Will..."

"Ye-es?" Pauline said, drawing out the word to make it both a question and answer. Halt swallowed hard, and decided that he didn't like it when people answered with questions. Pauline always did that, and it got on his nerves.

"Will you...uh. Will you tell Baron Arald that I've returned from my mission?"

_Ugh. He asked me something else. What would he do if I hit him between the legs? _"Of course, Halt. Do you want to come with me?" she asked him. "If not, that's all right."

Halt backed away, cursing himself. "Ah...I have to make supper. I'll talk to you later, Pauline!" he threw behind his shoulder as he took off toward Abelard.

_I figured._

Age 32

"Here, do you want me to ask her for you?" Gilan offered. Halt resisted the urge to growl at his apprentice, who had, of course, walked in on his mentor while the man had been looking at the ring he had bought such a long time ago. "Really, Halt. I'll ask Pauline for you, even if it doesn't really work out that way."

Halt stood and shoved him toward the door. The ring fell to the floor as he did so, but he paid it no mind as he continued pushing Gil out of his bedroom. "Get out, Gilan. I'll ask her myself, all right?"

"I don't know, Halt. That ring looks pretty old," Gilan pointed out. "When did you buy the thing? When you were five?"

With a flat look in his eyes, Halt was ready to retort when there was a knock on the door and they both started violently. Then Halt fell to his knees and scooped the ring up, placing it in his pocket. The look his apprentice gave him was part pitying, part disgusted, part amused. Halt resisted the urge to slap him. "Go get the door, Gil. I'll deal with you later."

"Ooh, goodie," Gilan said in falsetto, and then dodged Halt hand, laughing as he skipped right up to the door, opened it, bowed while snickering, and then another laugh came from whoever was at the cabin door. Halt froze; he recognized that laugh very well. Moments later, Pauline stepped into the cabin and smiled at him, taking off her cloak and then setting it on the back of a chair. "Halt wants to ask you something, Pauline!" Gilan informed her gleefully, ignoring Halt's famous death glare. "It's _reeeeeeeeally_ important."

Curious, Pauline gazed at Halt. "What is he talking about?" she asked him.

Halt shrugged, ignoring Gilan's palm, which smacked against the boy's forehead. _Shut up, Gil, and let me deal with this. I can ask her all by myself. _"I wanted to ask you something, that's all."

"All right. Ask me." _Oh, God. Here it comes again. He'd better ask me to marry him, or else!_

"Well, I wanted to know if...um." Gilan was making an encouraging, 'go on' gesture at him from behind Pauline's back. "I wanted to know if you wanted me to escort you to your next mission," Halt burst out, and heard Pauline sigh, while Gil groaned, shaking his head slowly at Halt, like a disappointed father would. _I thought I was the adult here?_

"Of course you can, Halt," Pauline said flatly.

"Oh, and Pauline?"

"Yes?" _He's not going to ask me._

"Do you want some coffee?"

_I knew it._

Age 35

"Pauline?"

_Oh, God. Please ask me!_

"Yes, Halt? What is it?"

"Can you watch Gil tonight, for me? I have to go to the baron's office, and he's not coming along this time. Not after what he did last time I brought him with me."

"Of course, Halt. I'll watch him." _If you pay me by asking me to marry you, of course._ She didn't realize she had said that out loud, and Halt gave her a strange look, almost a scared one, as if he thought she was on to something.

"What was that, Pauline?" he asked in a shaking voice.

"Never mind, Halt. Just never mind."

Age 39

_I can do this. I can definitely do this._

It had been a while since Gilan had graduated from being his apprentice, had been sent off to a different fief, and Halt was growing more lonely every day. Heading down to Pauline's apartment, he almost ran into a small boy with dark hair and sparkling brown eyes, running by him. The boy was probably eight or nine years old, he figured.

"Will!" somebody called out, and Halt stopped after a moment, gazing down at the small boy who was hiding behind him, hugging his leg as if he, Halt, was going to protect him. Will? The name was familiar. A young girl ran close by, stopped, and then looked up at him, beaming. Halt found himself drawn to that wonderful smile, and smiled back at her, amazed at himself He hardly _ever_ smiled anymore. "Have you seen Will?" the girl asked in a small voice. There was a giggle from behind Halt, and he turned to find that the boy was still there. "Will! Hurry up. Jocelyn says it's time for bed."

"I don't want to go to bed," Will complained, but let himself be dragged away. Briefly, he waved goodbye to Halt, who watched the boy go, wondering where on earth he had heard the boy's name before.

Pushing the thoughts out of his mind, Halt focused on readying himself, knowing that tonight things would be different, that tonight he would finally ask Pauline to marry him. Seeing her walking toward her apartment, he broke into a light jog, catching up to her after a moment. Her eyes lit up at the sight of him, and she stopped when he did. "Hi."

"Hi," she replied, and the two fell in step with each other, strolling. "Did you need anything? You looked a bit puzzled about something."

"I ran into this boy...his name was very familiar. So was the boy himself. It probably wasn't important," he said, dismissing the thought. "I wanted to ask you something, though."

_Ask me? Ask me what? If I can make you some coffee? _"Go right on ahead and ask me, then. I don't have all night here, Halt. Baron Arald and I have a meeting in five minutes, and I need to hurry up and get there."

"Oh. Sorry. Well, will...um."

_Always the 'um,' and then a pathetic excuse of what he was going to say._

"Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow night? I'll make cake, even."

_Always the pathetic excuse._

Age 43

"Pauline? Will you...um."

"Yes, Halt. I'll make you some more coffee."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it." _I'm going to poison that coffee._

Age 44

"Pauline?" Halt asked in an amazingly calm voice, and Pauline turned around, eyes bright as she looked at him. Halt pulled the ring out of his pocket, and then put it on her finger carefully, smiling up at her. "Will you marry me, Pauline?"

Beaming, Pauline nodded. "Of course I will, Halt!" she exclaimed, and then kissed him. That was when Halt realized that it wasn't Pauline at all, but Will, and sat up in bed with a gasp, eyes wide as he nearly cried out in horror.

It had been a dream. _Thank God! Now, do we have any more coffee?_

Age 45

"Will?" Halt called out, and the boy came out of his bedroom, curious.

"Yes, Halt?"

Halt was forcefully reminded of who else said that, almost all the time to him, and then bit his bottom lip. That someone was coming over very soon. "Make me some coffee, would you?"

"Of course, Halt." Will went to the kitchen, whistling as he went, and began to make the coffee slowly, knowing how to now. Last time he had tried by himself, he'd had no idea how to make the hot drink. It had turned out horrible, and even Halt had retched and spit it out when he had tried it. Will had been a failure at coffee. Now he was getting better, he saw with satisfaction. And that was very good.

A knock on the door was heard, and Halt immediately answered it, letting Pauline come into the cabin. "Good morning, Will," Pauline said to the young man, who nodded brightly with a large smile. "How are you today?"

"I'm doing all right," Will replied. "Halt is being grouchy."

Pauline smirked at Halt, who scowled. "He always is, Will. Don't worry about it. Now, Halt, did you say that you wanted to ask me something?" _Probably if I can babysit Will for him while he goes off and runs around with his bow and arrows._

"Well, yes. Will you...um." Will looked around curiously at his mentor, but knew better than to ask why he had suddenly gotten so nervous. "Do you have that report from last week? I forgot to ask Baron Arald about it."

Pauline sighed. "Of course, Halt. I'll bring it down tomorrow."

"Thank you, Pauline. I'll pay you back somehow."

_How about asking me to marry you?_

"I know you will, Halt. Don't worry about it."

Age 49

"Pauline?" _Ask her._

With a flat look in her eyes, Pauline turned to Halt, her escort for his mission. "Yes, Halt? Ask away."

Halt scowled at her before continuing. Abruptly, he pulled out the ring, and then—much to his horror—dropped it. Eyes wide, Pauline stared down at it. "Um...do you want some coffee?" Halt asked pointedly, and then Pauline smiled at him.

"I'll marry you, Halt." _He brings out the ring, drops it, and then asks me if I want any coffee. Sometimes I wonder._

"All right. That...that's good." Halt cleared his throat, picked up the ring, and handed it to her with an embarrassed smile. "Here. I'd been meaning to ask you, but..."

"I understand." Pauline gazed down at the ring, frowning slightly. It was old, weathered, and the diamond on it was chipped. Her frown turned into a smile, and she slipped it into her finger while Halt watched her. Then she embraced him. "Yes, Halt. I'll have some coffee."

**XD! Did you like this? I liked it a lot! Well, I'm going to write the next chappie tonight, and might even post it if I finish it, hahaha. Well, R&R for me, please!**

**Velvet out. ^_^**


	4. All Out

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Four: All Out

Summary: Gilan and Halt run out of coffee! Oh, no! Whatever will they do now, because the coffee shop is closed and nobody will talk to Rangers.

Rating: Rated T this time, 'cos Halt gets hit a few times, and he attempts to steal from the kitchen and gets caught, of course, since he had absolutely no plan at all.

**All right! Sorry about the wait, guys. My internet has been screwed up for a while now. Anyway, here's just a little cute bit of fluff. Halt and Gilan will be practically dead by the end of the chapter XD! Anyway, why don't you read and find out why? lol**

Yawning, Halt sat up in bed to the sound of a panicked voice, and frowned, reaching over to grab his saxe knife and then standing up, creeping to his bedroom door. Taking a deep breath before opening it and then peering out, he let himself drop the weapon at the sight of Gilan seizing handfuls of his hair and tugging, swearing profusely.

"Language," Halt meant to say, and then saw that Gilan had caught their breakfast coffee on fire, somehow. Now swearing himself, he shoved Gilan out of the way and began to look around frantically for some water to pour on the dancing flames. "Water, Gilan! Get the water!"

Nodding, Gilan sprinted out of the cabin, returning just a few moments later with an entire bucket of water. Seeing this, Halt said hastily, "Careful not to pour it into the...coffee..."

The coffee was officially ruined, Halt was soaking wet as well as the floor around him and the stove, and Gilan was holding the bucket suspended in the air, grinning nervously at the sight of Halt's glare. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you all wet." Reaching out cautiously, he pushed the hair out of Halt's eyes, and then set the bucket down on the floor, wincing when Halt hit him lightly on the side of the head. Lightly for Halt, that is. "I'll get some more coffee, if you want."

"_I'll_ make the coffee," Halt snapped, and then went to where he kept it hidden, though Gil somehow found it every time. Frowning at the bag, Halt turned around to Gilan, who was moping the water off of the floor, and then Halt looked down at where he was standing, a small puddle making friends with his floor. "How much coffee did you use, Gil?"

Gilan shrugged. "Not much; just enough for the both of us and maybe another half of a cup. Why?"

"Because we're all out," Halt replied, and shook the empty bag for support of what he was saying. Gilan's eyes were wide with horror, and Halt tossed the bag at him, resisting a smile when he landed right on Gil's head. "Calm down. We can just go get some more, you know."

_~*~Thirty minutes later, after Halt had dried off and all, lol~*~_

The coffee shop was closed. For the next two days, the note on the door said. Wanting to scream in frustration, Halt tore the scrap of paper off the door and then crumpled it up, throwing it to the ground and stamping hard on it, drawing wary looks from casual passerby. Gilan patted Halt's shoulder, and then flinched when his mentor turned those dark, steely eyes onto him. "This is your fault, Gilan."

"What? I never closed up the shop!" Gilan exclaimed in protest.

"You caught the coffee on fire! We would be at home drinking coffee right now, and eating breakfast. But you just _had_ to cause a fire, didn't you? You've practically doomed us!" Halt accused, and then sighed heavily, leaning against the closed and locked door for a moment. A sudden thought struck him, but he put it out of his mind; he wasn't going to resort to breaking and entering unless it was a desperate need.

Making sure that Halt wasn't going to hit the side of his head if he said a word, Gilan hesitantly spoke. "Maybe we can borrow somebody's coffee. One of the farmers, or even one of the people here should be able to lend us some!"

"Borrow?" Halt repeated. "You can't borrow coffee; you can't bring it back after you drink it, Gil. But maybe we can buy it from them..."

They had a new plan.

_~*~Ten minutes of skipping (not literally) around the town later~*~_

Nervously knocking on the door of the small house, Gilan flinched slightly, wary of who would answer, when there was a sound of footsteps. Moments later, the door opened, and he found himself looking down at a small boy. For a few seconds there was silence, and then Gilan spoke. "Um...Would it be all right if we—"

_"AAAAAAAH!"_

The door slammed shut before Gil could ask anything else. Scowling now, Gilan sat down on the top stair in front of the house, and was joined by Halt a few seconds later. "I can't believe that didn't work," his mentor muttered. Then he peered at his apprentice. "You know, it might have been because of the cloak, the knives, and the bow. And the arrows."

"Oh, no," Gilan said warningly, standing up and then backing away. "I'm _not_ letting you take my weapons and cloak. What if they try to kill me when I knock on their door?"

Raising one eyebrow, Halt looked up at him. "And what makes you think they'll do that? I might as well ask now; what reputation did you have before you became my apprentice, Gilan? Were you a troublemaker, or a goody-goody?"

"A goody-goody?" Gilan cried. "As if! My name was known all around here, mostly because I would practice with my sword in the middle of the street."

"Really?" Halt hid his disbelief. "You know that swords can injure and kill, don't you, Gil?"

Gilan nodded sheepishly, and then took the blow when Halt hit him lightly on the side of the head. "Foolish boy. Anyway, we'd best be going, if we want any coffee today. My morning feels incomplete without any."

_~*~Two hours later, after millions of attempts to buy/borrow coffee from poor farmers/villagers~*~_

"I never realized how unpopular Rangers were," Gilan observed, lying on his back on the top of a small hill, gazing up at the clouds with Halt, who was sulking, arms folded across his chest, and he sat up, leaning against a tree, head bowed.

"Get used to it," the small man grunted. "I don't get how they recognized me! They were ready to give me some coffee, and then all of a sudden this little girl came, looked at me, and began to scream. After that they closed the door and wouldn't open it again. What's wrong with these farmers and villagers, anyway? All we want is coffee..."

Gilan sighed and shrugged. "We're Rangers—Black Magicians, as they call us. Of course they'll be terrified of us. I was frightened by _you_ at first, Halt!"

"You enjoyed irritating me, and still do. I don't think any frightened—or sane—person would do that, Gil." At that, Halt went silent and continued his sulking, glaring at the world in general. "Just wanted some coffee," Gilan heard him mutter, and hid a grin; Halt was overreacting, though he understood how his mentor felt completely. After a few years of drinking coffee with him, he felt the need to have some as well, though Halt's need was probably stronger than his, by the difference in the way they were taking their running out of coffee.

Looking up at Castle Redmont, Gilan got a sudden idea, and smiled. Halt saw this, and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. When Gil got that sort of smile on his face, Halt knew that the boy was about to do mischievous things. "I'll go ask Pauline for some. You go get some from Master Chubb's kitchen, all right?"

"Why can't _I_ go and get some from Pauline?" Halt retorted.

"Because you get coffee from her all the time, and you owe her big time for that expensive plate you broke. And that cup, and the time you..."

"I get it," Halt cut in. "You go to Pauline, and I'll borrow some from Master Chubb's kitchen."

At that, Gilan began to laugh. "You said that it's not borrowing, before! So now you say that it is? Halt, that's hypocritical. You go steal from the kitchen. I'll see you back at the cabin, all right? I'll begin to make coffee once I get some. And I'll be careful not to catch it on fire!" he added hastily, seeing the dark look in Halt's eyes. His mentor nodded once, stood up, and then headed down in the direction of Redmont.

_~*~Eight minutes later~*~_

Halt sidled along the wall, silent as a shadow in the night, cloak hood up. A sudden sound caused him to freeze in place, forcing himself to keep his breathing quiet and easy. "Of course, sir," a voice said, and then Halt watched curiously as an apprentice walked down the hallway, out of the kitchen, with Master Chubb, who carried his wooden ladle as always.

As soon as they were out of sight, Halt slipped through the kitchen door, closing it softly behind him. Turning around, he ducked out of sight behind one of the stoves, watching another apprentice place a tray of pies on the windowsill to cool. _Don't get how he stands all those apprentices. One is enough for me. _The young man disappeared from the kitchen, and finally the way to the cabinets were clear. Chewing on his bottom lip, Halt stood up straight and then went right over to the cabinets, opening them and then sifting through the contents, passing over tea and other things, such as powdered cocoa and sugar.

Halt swore as a small bag of flour fell directly onto his head, and then he shook his now-white hair out, coughing as a small cloud of powdery white stuff floated around his head. Then he stiffened as he heard Master Chubb's voice. Gazing frantically throughout the kitchen, knowing that Chubb wouldn't hesitate to hit him with that wooden spoon of his, he darted over to a large pile of bags and bags of potatoes, not remembering that he was covered in flour; his footsteps were visible, tracking over to where he was.

Too late now.

Master Chubb, head chef of Castle Redmont, walked into his kitchen, giving it a once-over before he next gave a double-take; his floor was a mess, over by the cabinets! What had happened? Quickly checking to make sure that his precious pies were still safe on the windowsill, cooling in the spring breeze, he breathed a sigh of relief—and spotted small white footprints leading over to his pile of potatoes.

Eyes narrowed, Chubb strolled over to where a tuft of hair was visible, a white-and-black strand. A pained protest was heard when Master Chubb gripped that piece of hair and tugged hard, and then seized the front of the troublemaker's shirt, lifting him straight into the air. Dark brown eyes met blue ones, and the latter's widened in astonishment. "Halt?"

"I just want some coffee!" Halt snapped, kicking at the air; he was at least three feet away from the ground. Then he stopped kicking as his booted foot hit the corner of the tray, where the pies were. Both he and Chubb watched as the tray slowly tipped, and then the delicious-looking apple pies were lost.

_CRACK!_ Halt's hands went up to the top of his head where Chubb's ladle had hit him, and then the Ranger was dropped to the floor. Getting to his feet as he saw that Master Chubb was ready to hit him again, Halt darted to the kitchen door, only to find one of the apprentices, grinning evilly, was blocking the way. For a moment Halt considered showing the young man how to use a longbow, but went against that thought, the best decision he had made all day.

"You're the one that's been stealing my pies!" Chubb was roaring at him, getting ready to swing the wooden spoon again. Halt's eyes rested on the window where the pies had fallen off of, and then he ducked under Master Chubbs arm, laughing helplessly to himself as he ran for the window, swung his legs out of it, and then let himself fall a few feet before seizing a handhold. Gazing up, he closed his eyes tightly as another tray came down, and saw stars as it landed on his head. Then he looked below him as he began to climb down the wall, seeing Gilan below, staring up in astonishment and—and holding a large bag.

Letting himself fall the last few feet, Halt landed right on his back, and then swore as a bag of flour as poured right onto him, courtesy of Master Chubb and his many apprentices. Gilan came over and helped him to his feet, shaking the flour off of him. Halt glared up at Chubb, who was shaking his wooden spoon at him. "I take it that the kitchen thieving didn't go well?" Gilan said cheerfully.

"No," said Halt flatly. Then he looked at the burlap bag, eager to know what was in it. "So?"

"So what?"

"Did you get the coffee, Gilan?" Halt demanded, and then Gil grinned. Halt could have cried with joy.

Then, the next thing Gilan knew, a wooden spoon whacked him in the back of the head, and he dropped the bag, spilling the contents all over the ground. The mentor and the apprentice watched in obvious horror, seeing their precious coffee all gone again.

Swallowing hard once it was over, Gilan picked up the empty bag and then grabbed a few handfuls of the coffee before Halt stopped him, shaking his floury head. "Leave it, Gilan. Let's just go home and have some hot cocoa." He held up a small bag, and then looked up at the window, seeing that Chubb was ready to throw something else at them. _"AT LEAST I GOT YOUR HOT COCOA, CHUBB!"_

Gilan stared at his scowling mentor, and then took the small bag of hot chocolate away from him; Halt was about to throw it. "All right. Let's go make some hot cocoa."

_~*~Thirty minutes later~*~_

_"GILAN, GET THE WATER! HURRY UP!"_

**Well. That turned out well for them XD! I was laughing the entire time while writing it. Poor Halt and Gil, eh? Well, how about you R&R for me? Hahahahaha.**

**Velvet out!**


	5. All To Keep Up

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Five: All To Keep Up

Summary: Halt takes Gilan to go get his Ranger horse! What will go wrong? A lot, that's what.

**All right! Hey, guys. I'm sorry I haven't been on. First I got grounded about four times, then my computer broke down, then I had to wait for a while to fix it, then I went on vacation, then my computer got a virus, then somebody hacked my email and Facebook account, and so my dad got upset and I couldn't get on because the assholes changed the passwords, and now I'm backers like crackers XD! Sorry about the long wait. I'll try to make it up to you guys! Hahaha. Time to torture Halty-kinz and Gilly-chan some more! I'm having fun with this, yes...hahaha. Anyway, you can read now!**

"Where are we going?" Gilan asked for the millionth time, and Halt sighed deeply, trying to ignore the many questions. "Halt? Where are we going? You're not getting rid of me, are you? Halt? Why are you ignoring me? Halt? Where are we going? Hello? Halt?"

Whirling around to face his apprentice, Halt wondered why he had accepted him in the first place. "You'll find out where we're going once we get there, boy!" he snapped, and Gilan fell silent for a few seconds.

"Why do you always call me 'boy'? Not that I'm a girl or something, but I have a name, you know. It's Gilan, but you can call me Gil, Halt."

_Smart ass._ Halt let his breath out angrily, and ignored his apprentice. The questions continued to spout from that scowling mouth, and at the moment Halt felt like doing exactly what Gilan was asking about: get rid of him, effective immediately. "Halt? Can I ask a question?"

"That's all you've been doing for the past ten minutes, Gil. Take a break for a moment, or else I swear you'll die from lack of oxygen."

"What is oxygen?" Gilan asked, confused. Halt didn't reply to that, stopping abruptly and causing Gilan to walk straight into him. The two of them crashed to the ground, and Gil made an _oof_ing sound before sitting up, standing, and then helping the seething Halt to his feet. "Sorry. But hey, you could have let me know it was time for us to stop." He glanced around at the paddocked area. "Oh, wow, where are we?"

Halt didn't make any move to answer that, but instead called out, "Old Bob! Are you here?"

"Calm down, Ranger," came a voice back to him, and Gilan cocked his head slightly, like a curious puppy. Halt winced somewhat, recognizing the gesture as the want to make mischief. "Yer scarin' the horses, here. Come on down t' the barn 'n make yerself at home."

Gilan looked over to his mentor. "We're not going to go down there, are we? He sounds funny," the young man whispered, and Halt closed his eyes briefly, shrugging.

"Yes, we're going down there. Now get a move on," the Ranger hissed at the boy, who stumbled forward with a sullen look on his face, trudging down to the clearing and hopping easily over the fence. Halt followed him seconds later, with perhaps not so much ease **(Oy, it's not his fault Gil is taller XD!) **as Gilan had had.

Swallowing hard, Gil followed Halt into the barn, trying to imagine himself somewhere that he actually found interesting. Gulping back 348520948509263120948932 more questions, the tall apprentice looked into the face of a rather small horse who, he would find, was to be his.

~*~Skipping to the good parts...XD! You'll thank me, honest~*~

"Get...on?" Gilan repeated slowly, gaping at the horse he was suppose to ride. "Halt, I think I'll crush the poor thing. It's not exactly..."

"Huge," Halt supplied, and then shrugged. "That's all right, boy. Blaze can handle the weight. Well? Get onto her, for God's sake! We'll be late for supper at this point, Gilan."

Frowning, Gil sized up the animal, which calmly studied him as if he were some patch of grass, an ordinary thing to see. Rather offended at this, Gilan sighed momentarily before swinging up and onto Blaze, who stiffened immediately. _Oh, no._ Old Bob was laughing, and even Halt was hiding a smirk—that is, until Gilan was launched straight into the land, landing directly onto his mentor. Old Bob howled, eyes streaming as the watched the Ranger become flattened by his apprentice. "He shure gotcha there, Ranger!" the man gasped out, laughing again when he watched the injured and bruised Halt being hauled to his feet by his taller companion, who brushed him off anxiously.

"Sorry, Halt," Gil said repeatedly, and then Halt sighed deeply, opening his eyes again. "But...Thanks for cushioning my fall. That could of really hurt!"

_Maybe getting rid of him wasn't such a bad idea after all._

**Sorry it was so short XD! I'll make the next one longer, I promise =D**

**Well, why don't you R&R? Lol it would make me very happy! Poor Halt XD! I love Gilan. That's why I made him one of the main characters in these little short stories. Anyway, I've gotta go...Bye for now!**

**Velvet out!**


	6. All Out II

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Six: All Out II

Summary: Of course, we all know what happened when Gilan and Halt ran out of coffee, but what happens when it's not Gil that ends up caught in the thick of it—but Will? Muahaha, I love torturing our favorite Rangers.

Rated: K+ for torture (not REAL torture; I just make them run out of coffee, geez), of course.

**All right! I queried an agent about my novel, which I finally finished...I might be getting it published soon =D! Sorry I've practically abandoned you guys. I'll make it up to you.**

**Wait. One second. That one time, hadn't I promised you that I would add some Finnish? In chapter two, wasn't it? So, I have a promise to keep! XD! Hei, mutantti penistä! Okay, maybe that was a bit vulgar...But whatever. I even know a song about it XD! Kolme katää ja kuusi penistä, ma mutantti oon!...Um. No comment.**

"Halt, have you ever been in a situation where you were certain that you would die?" Will asked in a curious voice, peering around the doorway, and Halt looked up from his report with a frown on his face as he gazed at his seemingly terrified apprentice.

But, of course, now he was curious of what Will was trying to say, so he nodded slowly. "Of course I have. Why, pray tell, do you wish to know?"

"Well," the Ranger's apprentice began reluctantly, "we have a bit of a problem. We're out of coffee." For more emphasis, he pulled the large burlap bag out from where he had been nervously hiding it behind his back, and shook it. Halt watched in undisguised horror as nothing came out. Will was right; they were fresh out of coffee. "And the coffee shop is closed today, remember?"

Standing up with a sigh, Halt went to the living room and began to pull on his boots and cloak. "Get ready to leave," he told his apprentice. "We're going to go ask Pauline for some coffee."

"But isn't she mad at you? I thought—"

"That's exactly why _you're_ going to ask her for the coffee," Halt interrupted, before Will could go on. He didn't need to be reminded of the reason Pauline was angry at him this time. He still had no idea how Will—or Gilan, at that—was able to keep track of how he had made so-and-so annoyed.

"But she's also mad at me, remember? I broke the—"

"Will," Halt said with feigned patience as they walked out of the cabin and headed to the lean-to where Abelard and Tug were, "I'm sure she forgives you. It's either you ask her, or ask Alyss."

At that, Will nodded, before an uneasy look appeared on his face. "Um...About Alyss. She's not too pleased with me either, now that I think about it."

For a long time, Halt didn't say anything; merely stared at his apprentice. Then he gave a sigh and stomped away.

~*~At Castle Redmont~*~

"Alyss," Will said, "can you do me a favor? Halt and I are out of coffee."

Blinking a few times in the silence that enveloped them, Alyss finally shrugged. "I would...But we're all out of coffee as well. The last time you came, you drank the last of it. But surely you can buy some tomorrow, just wait until then, right?"

The two Rangers exchanged horrified glances. "Until tomorrow?" Will's voice went up a few octaves. "We can't wait until then! Tomorrow is so far away!"

Yes, no coffee in the morning had a strange effect on these Rangers, Alyss thought sourly, and closed the door in Will's face.

"Well done, Will," Halt said sarcastically. Will scowled.

~*~Twenty minutes later~*~

"Gilan!" Will called out to Halt's former apprentice, who was passing by Redmont on his way to the fief neighboring theirs. "He might have coffee," the boy told Halt, who nodded slowly with his eyes somewhat narrowed. No, Gilan didn't have any; he could already tell. This was going to be a wasted attempt.

"Will!" Gil exclaimed gleefully, managing to embrace the mentor and apprentice at the same exact time, nearly choking the two of them. "I can't believe the coffee shop here is closed. I ran out yesterday, and now I'm on a quest to search every single fief in order to get some. But every coffee shop seems to be closed! Now, is there anything you wanted?"

Halt sighed, knowing that he was correct. Will seemed almost shocked into silence. "Never mind, Gil. We should...just probably go home."

~*~Back in the cabin~*~

It was getting dark, and Halt _STILL_ hadn't had his coffee. Sitting in his favorite chair and trying to concentrate on the report he was reading, Halt looked up curiously as Will gave a small, nervous laugh. "Oh, wow. I can't believe I missed that."

"Missed what?"

"Well...The bag I had thought was the one that held the coffee...That was our hot chocolate bag. Our coffee bag was behind it; I completely missed it. And now I remember that we bought another three bags yesterday. We had coffee all along!"

Halt was seriously beginning to wonder why he had wanted an apprentice at all.

**Meh...I didn't like this one too much. Anyway, R&R to tell me your own opinions on it.**

**Velvet out!**


	7. Fever Dreams

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Seven: Fever Dreams

Summary: Gilan is sick. 'Nuff said.

**All right! Two in one day! Soon to be three, perhaps, since I wanna do some more of Our Solemn Hour and stuff. This one isn't extremely funny, a bit more serious than usual and somewhat short, but I like it.**

Fever Dreams

Most everyone hated being ill. Halt had never met anybody who felt otherwise. And Gilan was no exception. Lying in the middle of a mountain of blankets, pillows, and handkerchiefs, the apprentice gave sniffles and groans every few moments, eyes glazed and lids half shut in the aching pains of bright light. Or what he thought was bright light, Halt mused, glancing at the storm outside.

As Gil shot up out of bed and dashed toward the bathroom to relieve himself of the bile that was rising up in his throat, Halt leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply. His sickly apprentice returned a few moments later, looking even more exhausted and defeated than he had before. The Ranger, of course, felt pity but said nothing as the boy got back into bed and rolled over, almost instantly slipping into a fitful sleep.

The hours went by, and Halt hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep as well until Gilan began to mumble in a panicked fashion, tossing and turning—even kicking his mentor twice in the face, which ultimately roused the man from sleep. Scowling as he was yanked out of his dreams, which were not haunted like Gilan's were, the Ranger glanced over at the young man and then felt the frown fade off his face as he realized Gil was having a nightmare—a fever dream. Damping a strip of linen in the cool water nearby his chair, Halt placed the cool cloth on Gilan's forehead to help keep the fever down; he knew how it was to be ill. He didn't like it either.

But it was even worse, Halt thought ironically as he looked out the window again, when it was your birthday.

**Poor Gil. Sick on his birthday.**

**Velvet out!**


	8. Primary Colors

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Eight: Primary Colors

Summary: Sort of a crack fic, lol. Hard to explain.

**All right! Muahahaha! I'm on a roll xD! I like this one a lot too; it's about Horace and Evanlyn/Cassandra.**

Primary Colors

A picture is worth one thousand words, or so they say. He's not so sure. It depends on the picture, really. And how are you supposed to understand one thousand words all at once, anyway? You're bound to miss at least a few of them.

That's how he feels with her, sometimes. He knows she isn't like him—all shades of different colors that make him...him. She's simple and bright, like primary colors. Red one moment, yellow the next, always bouncing from one emotion to the next via perfect circles and straight lines. And yet, he can't quite grasp the form of her mind. It's like a few of her one thousand words went missing somewhere along the way, and the story isn't quite complete without them. (Of course, he's always known she was a few words shy of a full dictionary, and that he has been too, but that's entirely besides the point.)

It wouldn't usually matter. Generally, he just makes do with what she gives him, and enjoy the ride. But this time, it's different. He needs those missing words, those fragments of lines and perspectives that make up _her_.

Because she said they should get married last week. And he can't, for the life of him, work out if she's joking.

**MUAHAHAHA! XD I liked that one a lot, even though I hate Horace.**

**Velvet out!**


	9. Of Tongue Twisters

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Nine: Of Tongue Twisters

Summary: Another little short crack fiction.

**All right! Dear God...Another one already. How many now? Four? I'm trying to get to twenty in one day or something, at this rate. xD!**

Of Tongue Twisters

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers."

"Peter Piper pipped a pet of pippled peppers." For what seemed to be the millionth time, Will felt like screaming. Why couldn't he get this? Gilan was perfect at it! He tries to echo the older Ranger's words like a parrot—and comes out sounding more like a canary. Why was this so difficult? Halt, reading a report and sitting on his favorite chair, listens to his two former apprentices entertain themselves with tongue twisters, and then sighed as the game began again. And again. And again. And again.

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers," Gilan said patiently, and slowly, so that Will could fully understand what he was saying.

"Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers." Wait, was that Halt's voice?

Turning, Gilan shoots his old mentor a grin and then stands up, coming over with a smirk. "Now say it fast," he orders. "And make sure you get it right, or else I won't make the coffee tonight."

Oh, God. What has he gotten himself into?

**I love torturing characters. Go Gilan and his awesome tongue twister powers!**

**Velvet out, lol.**


	10. Fever Dreams II

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Nine: Fever Dreams II

Summary: Now it's Will's turn to get sick!

**All right! And another one. Woot! Five in one day, one hour even, maybe. Now...How about you read this next drabble of mine? Sorry they're so short all of a sudden. I'm lazy, I know. xD!**

Fever Dreams II

"How is he doing?" the physician asked as Halt let the man into the cabin and out of the storm.

The Ranger shrugged. "Not much better," he replied shortly, leading the man into the dozing Will's room. The boy was lying in the middle of his bed, surrounded by a tangle of blankets and pillows that reminded Halt of a time Gilan was in such a condition. The only difference was that it wasn't Will's birthday, and Halt had actually bothered to call in a doctor this time. No, this time it was _Alyss's_ birthday.

"Now...Tell me his symptoms," the physician said, taking Will's temperature and checking his vital signs while Halt dampened a linen strip in the cool water besides the chair he had been sitting in all night, watching over his apprentice as the young man faced fever dreams and nightmares by the dozen. "I'm sure this isn't too serious at all. Just a mere stomach virus."

"Well..." Halt thought for a moment. "He has a bad cough, sore throat, he can't get anything down without turning a lovely shade of green and heaving it back up in the next second, and he has the chills."

The physician nodded slowly. "Anything else?"

"He also hasn't been asking any questions," Halt added thoughtfully.

For a long time, the physician stared at him with wide eyes. Will? Not asking questions? Then, with a deep breath, the physician ran screaming from the cabin. Halt watched him go, and sighed as Will opened one eye dazedly, wondering what was going on but not making any sound. Halt sat back down in his chair. This was going to be a long night.

**I just HAD to write that...xD!**

**Velvet out!**


	11. Peaches

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Eleven: Peaches

Summary: Evil Gil...

**I reuploaded this one, editing it. I might do that with all of them, eventually; I might even rewrite a few of them.**

Peaches

Gilan loved peaches. They were sweet, soft, and he loved the feeling of sinking his teeth into the pink flesh of the fruit, crouching under the peach tree next to him, hidden from sight behind a large rock.

They were also excellent items that could be used for battle supplies, he thought, hurling another one of the delicious fruits' pits at the increasingly frustrated Halt.


	12. Socks

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twelve: Socks

Summary: Evil Gil strikes back!

**Another one I reuploaded. This one and the last one are pretty short, I know, lol.**

Socks

They were things he had played with all of his childhood, things to make puppets out of. And things that would be the death of him someday, Gilan thought as he lowered the worm-filled cotton package onto the sleeping Halt's face, smiling.


	13. Spider

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirteen: Spider

Summary: I hate spiders. So does Gil.

**Yet another reupload, lol.**

Spider

Halt was in the middle of reading a report concerning the activities of Morgarath, who had recently begun to rebel, when he heard a thud, a scream, and then something banged against the wall of his cabin. Alarmed, eyes wide, Halt stood up and peered down the hallway warily, his gaze resting on the bathroom door and his hand on the hilt of his saxe knife. Then he frowned as he heard curses, and another scream—Gil was in there, taking his evening bath, and he could be injured. Or perhaps something was attacking him.

The young apprentice in question darted out of the bathroom in the next second, dripping wet from his interrupted bath and wearing only a towel, which was wrapped firmly around his waist. "HAAAALT!" Gilan wailed, looking panicked. He huddled against the wall, trembling violently.

"What's wrong?" demanded Halt, almost a bit worried at what would meet him if he looked into the bathroom. "Who attacked you?"

For a moment Gil didn't say anything, and then he cried out, hiding his face so that the words were muffled, "There was a _spider_ in there!"


	14. Twenty Questions

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Fourteen: Twenty Questions

Summary: Halt, Gilan, and Will play Twenty Questions. Randomness ensues.

**Why, when you have nothing else to write about since you've run out of ideas and need prompts now—ahem...hint, hint...xD!—what do you do? Why, have your favorite Rangers gang up and play a couple rounds of Twenty Questions, of course!**

Twenty Questions

"Umm...Can you eat it?" Will asked Halt's former apprentice, who shook his head. "So it's a thing you can't eat. Huh."

"Is it poisonous?" Halt inquired after swallowing another mouthful of coffee.

Gilan grinned. "Nope. Guess again, you two. Want a hint? 'Cause you're losing badly."

"That would be cheating," Halt said absently. "All right. Does it have a specific color?"

At that, Gil frowned thoughtfully. "Uh. I'm not exactly sure if it has a color or not."

For Halt, that was enough of this nonsense. "Can you even _see_ it?" he demanded in exasperation. Will was surprisingly quiet as he thought hard, brow furrowed and eyes very narrow. Gil had to resist the urge to snort at the apprentice's expression. Yes, Gilan was definitely amused by this game, one of his favorites of all time.

But now he was laughing. "Of _course_ you can't see it! Try again, Halt."

Will sighed deeply, sipping his coffee again. "One question left. And all we know, Halt, is that it's a thing, you can't see it, it has no color. And you can't eat it; must be a useless thing."

"Was that a question, Will? Because it's certainly not useless!"

"No, Gil, that wasn't a question."

"Darn."

Halt scowled at him. "I don't know. I give up. Must be something useless," he muttered under his breath. Gilan punched the air with a loud whoop, grinning with delight.

"I win!" he exclaimed gleefully, nearly spilling his hot drink at his beaming joy. "You two are such losers..."

"So what was it?" Will asked after a while.

"Oh." Gilan shrugged, not interested anymore. "A life."

**I actually did this. My family still won't let me live it down...xD! A LIFE IS A THING, MAX! ADMIT IT! Hahaha, please R&R, as well as give me some prompts, if you will.**

**Velvet out!**


	15. Of Tortured Souls and Coffee

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Fifteen: Of Tortured Souls and Coffee

Summary: The title says it all.

**All right! Sorry I haven't been updating lately...There's really just nothing to write at the time. Dunno. And then, this one is a bit of goofy thing; it is also another warped drabble for my own novel. Meh, who cares? Lol. Enjoy! Wait, one more thing. Happy Thanksgiving; I'm going to post a thing on that today.**

Of Tortured Souls and Coffee

"Hey, Halt. I've been thinking..."

"That's nice, Gilan. Using your head is good." Halt turned a page on his newest report, frowning slightly as he took another sip of coffee.

"Well...Have you noticed that coffee sort of looks like people's insides? Like, if you look at them in a certain way, ya know?"

Halt, who was in the middle of taking another sip of his favorite drink, froze in the act and stared at his breakfast drink with wide eyes. "Ah...no. I've never noticed anything like that."

"Maybe they're people who sinned so much that God turned their insides into coffee. If I ever go missing all of a sudden, and you find some coffee that looks like my insides, don't drink it, okay?"

"A-all right, Gil. That's enough."

"They're poor, demented soul insides, and here you are acting like a cannibal and drinking them."

"Honestly, Gilan, cut it out. That's creeping me out."

"They scream from the torture with every sip you take, trapped forever. God, Halt. It's like you're eating human guts! Sicko."

"Gilan. I order you to stop talking."

"Wait! Maybe they're _Kalkara_. Ew, Halt! You're eating dead Kalkara insides!"

Halt couldn't take it anymore. "I think I'm gonna be sick," he choked out before running out of the room. Smirking, Gil picked up the Ranger's abandoned coffee, taking a large and contented gulp.

"By the way, Halt," he murmured to the empty air around him as he heard a door slam somewhere in the cabin, "you have an impeccable taste in coffee."


	16. Different

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Sixteen: Different

Summary: The title says it all.

**Holy crapazolas...I can't believe I haven't updated in such a long time! Today I should make it up to you guys...I'll pretty much write three or four drabbles for you xD! Sound good? I hope you like this one! A bit of Gilan/Jenny for you.**

Different

The world was different. Gilan had no idea how, but the land around him seemed both brighter and darker. It was as if a door had been opened, rendering things out of perspective and giving him new insight.

One of the only down-sided aspects to this supposed gift was that his old world had been closed down and shoved aside.

Colors were more vivid (he noticed them so often now, when before they had been mere distractions), details were observed clearly, feelings were no longer numb anymore. It was as if his soul had been given back to him—as if someone had just borrowed it for a little while before finally returning it.

And now, of course, there were also some interesting, new puzzles to solve. The most difficult one to work out, he thought as he put his hands over Jenny's eyes from behind and smiled, was the question of how on earth he had fallen in love with her.


	17. Coffee Incident

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Eighteen: Coffee Incident

Summary: Gilan gets into the coffee pot, and Halt realizes why he should never let the kid have too much of it again.

**I'm really cranking these things out today, and yay, this one is longer! So guys, do you have any requests? I think I should maybe write three of these things every two days, and then stop when I get to fifty. What say? Oh, and if any of you have requests—title ideas, story ideas, anything really—just tell me in a message or review and I'll write that story for you. Sound good?**

Coffee Incident

The coffee pot was empty. Now usually something like that didn't bother Halt except for one problem...This coffee pot was his personal one, which was located in a cabinet in his kitchen. And he knew the almost everyone in the fief wouldn't touch the stuff with a ten-foot pole so there was only one other person who could have drained his coffee pot. The one person Halt did not want drinking too much coffee, especially in his beloved cabin.

The one person that was banned from drinking too much of the stuff in the first place, for good reason.

"COFFEE!" Gilan screamed. He ran into the room, laughing hysterically and holding his longbow. An arrow was nocked, too, Halt saw with very wide eyes. The boy was wearing his shirt like a toga, his Ranger cloak flying behind him like a cape as he took a long swig of coffee and let some of it dribble down his chin in a disgusting fashion. "CoffeeCoffeeCoffee! Cappuccino!"

He spotted his mentor, and screamed insanely as he sprinted toward him. Upon being "glomped," Halt scrambled to his feet again and fled for his bedroom. Locking the door behind him, he stopped to catch his breath and put on his boots while listening hard for any sign that Gilan was coming after him. He was singing to himself, now, and...making more coffee, by the sound of it. Horrified, Halt carefully opened his door and took a deep breath as he realized he would have to go get help for this—he would have to go get Pauline.

Edging down the hallway, he inched by the kitchen silently as he hastily pulled on his cloak. A sudden, wicked laugh from behind caused him to whirl around, and he felt his heart sink as he saw Gil standing there. "DIEEEEE!" the apprentice shrieked, running at him.

Halt instantly abandoned all dignity and ran for the door.


	18. The Prankster

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Eighteen: The Prankster

Summary: Taking it was easy. Putting it back, undetected, was a little more of a challenge (Power of the Pen prompt, which I got a good scoring in. I thought it would be a good idea to use it here).

**This was a prompt in one of my Power of the Pen (writing contest at school) contests at the Wilmington College. I got second place in that round, and thought the prompt would go well with Gilan—Will would never DARE do this. I got a few requests, and I really thank you for that; I'll be definitely writing stories on them. :)**

The Prankster

Get it, take it, and get out. A simple yet effective plan—one that will be easy to carry out.

He sidles along the wall, stopping for a moment at the door, and silently opens it. When he lets go of the chilly knob, leaving a streak of sweat behind, there's the slightest creak that causes him to freeze in place. The only sound, for a while, is his heart thudding; he's surprised nobody hears it from outside and comes running.

A few moments pass, and adrenaline courses through his system. There's no noise, no sign that he's been detected. Finally, with an inaudible sigh, he accepts the fact that he hasn't been caught.

Yet.

Creeping over on sock feet, he kneels slightly before allowing his inner klepto to take over. Trembling fingers dart under Halt's bed, and he gradually manages to pull out a camouflage cloak—his mentor's favorite one.

Successful in taking the item of interest, Gilan strolls confidently out of the room and shuts the door carefully behind him. He glances around a few times before he next enters the back room, where they store things—bumping his head on the door frame on the process (he wishes he wasn't quite so tall)—and grabs a fresh bucket of gorgeous pink paint. He'd bought it last week for this very purpose, and it's finally being put to use. It is Halt's Valentine's Day present, since it seems Pauline had rejected him for going out for the occasion. He sympathizes, of course, but in reality he's mentally laughing hysterically over it.

Humming to himself, Gil holds up the small cloak—for Halt really isn't so tall—and bundles it up. He makes sure it won't come unraveled immediately and, with a nod of approval, cheerfully lets it splash down into the thick paint. He snatches a long stick out of nowhere, prodding at the garment until it sinks beneath pink waves and ripples. Sitting back to wait, he occasionally stirs his ghastly mixture with a smile.

The front door suddenly opens; he can hear the screech of rust, and stiffens immediately as he realizes Halt has come home from his meeting with Baron Arald. He accidentally inhales a large whiff of the fumes, and starts coughing dizzily as he pulls the newly pink cloak out of the wooden bucket and looks around frantically for a place to hide.

"Gil?" Halt calls out. "I'm back. Where are you?"

"I think he's working on that new bow he's making," came another voice; he recognizes it as Pauline's voice. "Happy Valentine's Day, Gilan, if you're here!"

Gilan can't help but snicker as he slinks out of the back room, clutching his stolen item with a purpose. Poor Halt. _But hey, Halt really needs to purpose to her...,_ he reminds himself lightly.

But now isn't the time to laugh at his mentor's expense. No, right now he needed to return the dripping cloak back to its original home. He's nearly out of Halt's room again when the door starts opening, and he darts into the man's closet immediately to avoid detection. The very second he finds himself hidden, Halt walks in to set his boots in their tidy spot—and notices a drop of paint on the floor. Puzzled, he looks around a few times before daring to follow the damp trail over to his bed. Highly suspicious now, Halt warily reaches his hand underneath the mattress and pulls out something that sluggishly drips onto his bedroom floor.

His cloak is now pink.

His _cloak_, his _favorite_ Ranger cloak, is now _PINK_.

How could this have...? His thoughts come to a screeching stop as there's a soft giggle from inside his closet. Slowly standing and struggling to keep the blood lust off his face, Halt walks toward the door, which is opened just a crack.

Gil's breath hitches as he realizes he's been caught, and a scream builds up in his throat; as soon as the door opens, he sprints out of the closet. Shrieking bloody murder, he runs past an alarmed Pauline, and out of the cabin toward Blaze. Halt follows a few seconds later, brandishing his longbow and quiver full of arrows with a furious shout of, _"GET BACK HERE!"_

Gilan Hunting has officially begun.


	19. How to Propose

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Twenty: The Ranger's Guide on How to Propose

Summary: Just read the title xD!

**This was an idea from RoMythe, and I thank her for it! Lol. Will, Halt, AND Gilan will be in this one, as well as Alyss, Pauline, and sort of Jenny. This is going to be interesting...**

The Ranger's Guide on How to Propose

"It's simple, really," Gilan told him calmly, as Will paced back and fourth. He was wearing a frown and clutching a ring in his hand. "All you have to do is get down on one knee, and blurt out whatever comes to mind. I believe I had said something about fried chicken while holding out the ring to her."

Amazingly enough—note the sarcasm—Will didn't find this exactly comforting. "But what if she rejects me?" he asked in a trembling voice. He sure didn't feel like a Ranger right now. "What if—"

Gil cheerfully clamped a hand over his friend's mouth to stop the flow of questions. "'What if' is a horrible sentence fragment," he commented before continuing on about how Will would propose to Alyss. A few years back he himself had had to draw up a lot of courage to ask Jenny to marry him; he was expecting his first child any day now. Jenny practically glowed with excitement, and he still couldn't really believe it. Him? A daddy? Wow! "Anyway, just do as I said and you'll be perfectly fine. Got it?"

For a moment, Will only stared at him, and then nodded. Sighing, the younger Ranger sank down into a chair before springing up again and saying, "I had better get going. Tug expects me to cook dinner—if I don't, Alyss might go hungry when she comes over!"

"Tug expects you to cook dinner," Gilan repeated with an amused look in his eyes.

"You...Ugh!" Will grinned at him, shaking his head as he trotted out the door. "You know what I mean!"

Will was soon gone, leaving Gil to laugh at him from inside the cabin. "Good luck, Will!" the older Ranger called out to him as he stepped outside to watch his friend leave and make sure he got away from the death trap he called a cabin safely.

~*~Halt's Home~*~

"Halt?" Will yelled out, entering the where-ever-Halt-lives-place (I forget). "Halt? Are you home?"  
"In the kitchen!" a woman called out, and he walked into the kitchen to see Pauline making coffee. Halt was reading a report, gazing at it silently with a frown on his face. "Hello, Will. Would you like some coffee?"

Will nodded eagerly, sitting down and grinning at Halt, who glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow. "You look cheerful today," his mentor grunted.

"I _am_ cheerful today!" the apprentice exclaimed, laughing. Halt mentally sighed; the boy was obviously insane. "But...I need to ask you something. Something super important. And you can't lie about it or anything, okay? Because it's just that extremely super important. Okay?"

A bit worried now, Halt nodded once. "Yes?"

Gathering his thoughts, Will took a deep breath and then burst out, "How do I ask Alyss to marry me?"

"If you're Halt," Pauline said, speaking for the dumbfounded Ranger, "you pull out the ring, drop it, and ask her if she wants any coffee. Works great. Just try it sometime."

For a moment, Will just stared. Then he burst out laughing. Halt was immediately up, hauling him out of his seat by the collar and dragging him over to the door. "Get out, Will," he snapped, "and come back when you can start behaving like a man. It is _not_ a laughing matter."

Since he knew he wouldn't be able to stop giggling, Will got back onto Tug and rode away.

~*~At Alyss's Home~*~

Dismounting Tug, Will made his way over to the front door of the house and knocked firmly. Alyss appeared a few minutes later, beaming. "Will!" she exclaimed, and pulled him inside. "Just in time! I wanted to ask you if you wanted to have dinner with me."

Dinner came by very quickly, and halfway through it he found his hand going to his pocket where the ring was. Taking a deep breath as he was consumed by nerves, he pulled it out in one fluid motion and thrust it at a surprised Alyss. "Do you like potatoes?" he found himself babbling, and internally face-palmed. Dear God. "Because I like potatoes with melted cheese on them. They're very good—you should try them sometime."

"Uh..." Alyss gaped at the ring, and then suddenly squealed as she got up and pulled Will into a bone-crushing hug. "Yes," she laughed, "I really do like potatoes."

**I love Ranger proposals.**


	20. 1 To 10

Tales From a Ranger's Apprentice

Chapter Twenty-Two: 1-10

Summary: I'm trying out the 100 Themes.

**Sorry I haven't been updating. I really have no excuse this time. Well, these are going to just be little dribbles—not even drabbles—but I think you'll like them :)**

Theme's Challenge 1-10

1. Hero

His apprentices were heroes, always swooping in to save their mentor from a lifetime of pain and guilt. From himself.

2. Proposition

Halt had struggled for weeks, wondering how to ask Pauline out on a date, yet she'd been the one to ask him out with a simple kiss.

3. Guilt

For weeks after Daniel's death, Halt faced the guilt that came with it. "It should have been me. He'd been the one to take my blows."

4. Lock and Key

For a long time, Gilan had kept his heart guarded with a lock and key. Yet Jenny had found the key easily.

5. Doll

Alyss's heart was like a china doll: beautiful, wonderful to own, and so easily shattered.

6. Sacrifice

Gilan had sacrificed a lot in his life, yet the one thing he refused to give up was Jenny.

7. Keepsake

Halt stands, holding Daniel's dying words in his hands like the last of his ebbing sanity, and wonders when the day will come that he will have to give them to the man's child.

8. Burn

"Ow!" Will yelps, clutching his stinging hand. Before he can so much as look up, Halt is there, like he always is at the first sign of trouble. Or, in this case, a burned palm.

9. Poison

Alyss was the sweetest poison he had ever tasted, and he wanted nothing more than to let that poison break down all of his defenses.

10. Busted

Halt had thought he'd cured Gilan of his childhood kleptomania—that is, until he caught the boy stealing one of his Ranger cloaks for a bet.


	21. Kleptomaniac

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Three: Kleptomaniac

Summary: I mentioned in a last chapter that Gilan had a childhood klepto problem. Well, here's something on that little problem of his!

**If you haven't noticed, I changed the title of my drabble series. Sorry if that confuses you; I just got bored of TALES OF A RANGER'S APPRENTICE blaring out at me. Heh. So yeah, it's now titled something else. I'll get back to the Themes Challenge in a little while, okay? Hahaha. Enjoy Kleptomaniac!**

Kleptomaniac

He does it without noticing. The apple he didn't pay for appears in his hand by its own violation, and he doesn't realize until he lifts it absently to his lips.

At the cabin he now calls home, he is worse. His wandering hands pick up things without thought or ceremony, depositing them throughout the house like a serene whirlwind.

Nothing is safe from his thieving grasp. He snatches cards and candlesticks, arrows and leather, bows and knives, coffee and snacks.

It _should _infuriate him. But as his wandering hands rest on his mentor's cloak and he strokes the soft fabric with shaking, tempted hands and itching fingers, eyes adorably wide and shining with curiosity, Halt decides to find out what Gilan will do next.

An hour later, he finds his cloak again, and realizes that it was not only curiosity in Gilan's eyes: it was also mischief. There is a good explanation for this.

His cloak is now pink.


	22. Weatherman

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Four: Weatherman

Summary: Heh, just something I found lying around in my document. Thought it was kind of cute.

**I'm bored, and I've written a lot today. And I found a couple drabbles about RA just lying around in my documents. I was like, "Well, what a lucky day this is!" SOOOO now I'm updating. A lot. Heh, guess I'm trying to make up for my infrequent updates...sorry about that, by the way. I just get sidetracked easily.**

Weatherman

"Looks like it's gonna be sunny today!" Gilan exclaimed over breakfast.

Halt looked up at the sky hopefully, then raised an eyebrow. "And what makes you say that?"

"Look at those clouds—those type never last longer than an hour or so. They'll be gone by noon, I bet."

"Hmm." Halt looked doubtful.

At noon, Will and Alyss were hunched unhappily underneath the somewhat constricted shelter of a large tree as acorn-sized hail rained down.

Not a week later, Gilan was attempting to predict the weather again.

"Not going to be much wind today I'd say. Eh, Jenny?"

Jenny bit her lip and peered outside at the thunderheads on the horizon. "Um..."

That, of course, was the day that kicked off tornado season. But still Gilan figured that his chances of guessing the weather right at least _once _were still in his favor.

"Gonna be a beautiful day, isn't it?"

Horace, as he hid from the thunderstorm that raged outside not an hour later, decided that it really depended on your definition of the word "beautiful."

Gilan refused to give up.

"It's going to be nice out today, isn't—"

Halt exchanged a weary glance with Will.

Pauline, on the other hand, was a bit more blunt. "Dear God, Gilan! You're good at a lot of things, like being a Ranger with a tendency to borrow things without asking, but you _cannot _predict the weather!"

The Ranger scowled in defeat, but still had to have the last word. "Fine. It was probably just going to rain again, anyway."

It was sunny that day.


	23. 11 To 20

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Five: 11-20

Summary: Yay, another Themes Challenge thing!

**Can you tell that I have a lot of time on my hands? Lol. This is what spring break does to me. And makes me write. I'd better get tons of reviews, because I'm cranking these out xD!**

11-20

11. Running

No matter what Halt might say about him having too much energy, running was _not_ a good or preferred way to burn it off, as far as Gilan was concerned.

12. Nature

No, Gilan, mud is not a nice part of nature. Now take off your boots.

13. Shiny

Halt had long since learned that letting anything shiny cross Gilan's path usually resulted in his student forgetting completely about their training, in favor of chasing whatever object had distracted him.

14. Labyrinth

Taking Gilan to a corn maze at Halloween was not a good idea. This became apparent when the man with the chainsaw started screaming instead of his apprentice.

15. Mitten

After a very long and tiresome argument, Gilan finally agreed that mittens would not, in fact, kill him, and allowed Halt to slide the damn things over his hands.

"I still think they're going to cut off my hands..."

"Gil, just shut up and help me make this snowman."

16. Enthusiastic

It wasn't that Halt didn't _like_ Gilan's energy, but when it was three in the morning and Gil wanted a cup of hot cocoa, he was more than a little tempted to throw a pillow at his apprentice's head.

17. Love

You know someone really loves you when you can find something wet and fuzzy, put it on top of your mentor's newly washed hair, and they still won't throw you out of their cabin.

18. Cake

Halt couldn't help but smile at the lopsided, wilted cake that had "Happy Birthday, Halt," in messy, frosting letters.

19. Hair

Gil's hair was not manageable, or tamable, as proven when the comb broke.

20. Guessing Game

"Hey, Halt! Let's play a game!"

"Hurry up, Gilan. You have chores to do."

"What's my favorite color?"

"Blue."

"What's my favorite food?"

"Chocolate."

"What's my favorite thing to do?"

"Annoy me."

"Geez! You're good. Umm...My favorite—?"

"Person in the world? Me, of course."


	24. Of Waffles

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Six: Of Waffles

Summary: Gilan likes waffles. 'Nuff said.

**I'm pretty proud of this one. It's messed up, and awesome xD! Enjoy Of Waffles!**

Of Waffles

Halt warily looked up when his apprentice cleared his throat. Gilan stood over his mentor, glaring at the reports he was reading. "What is it now, Gil?" Halt asked, feeling exceptionally tired.

"Waffles," Gilan said in a dead serious voice. His intense glare swung up to Halt's face.

"Waffles," Halt repeated, not quite catching the gist of what his apprentice was trying to say.

"Yes. Waffles are the epitome of all that is good and pure in our world."

"First off, I don't even know how you know the word 'epitome' and secondly, what are you smoking now?"

"No, no! Listen, Halt! Okay...so waffles are good and pure, okay? So I say the next time there's a bad guy we use them for the 'Greater Good'!"

"Oh yes, Gil. Evil beware, we have waffles."

"Exactly."


	25. Eggs

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Seven: Eggs

Summary: This is based off something my little brother said. I will no longer eat eggs.

**This is based off of something Zack, who's 9, did. Eggs now make me very sick.**

Eggs

Gilan was silent.

Disturbingly silent.

In fact, Gilan looked like he was trying to set his scrambled eggs on fire with a single glare and was failing miserably.

Now, normally Gil was one of those people. You know, the really annoying, perky morning people that you wish would drown in their oatmeal. Or choke on their orange juice and die. However, Gilan was not his usual obscenely happy morning self.

That scared Halt.

"Gilan, is there something wrong?" Halt nearly flinched when that electric green* gaze swung up to stare at him. But he was a Ranger, dammit, tough as nails and all that rot. "Well?" he demanded.

"Who first came up with the idea of eating eggs?" Gilan said in reply, with a scowl.

Flabbergasted, Halt helplessly shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea, Gilan," he answered soothingly in an attempt to calm his apprentice.

However, Gilan was compelled to continue. "I mean seriously, Halt! Who was the first person to say, 'See the chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt.' Who did that? Because you know what? That's disgusting! For the sake of God, I'm eating scrambled fetuses here!" he shrieked.

Halt gaped at the idea and his pallor went green with nausea.

Eww...

**I have no idea what color Gil's eyes are. I had to improvise ;)**


	26. 21 To 30

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Eight: 21-30

Summary: Yay, another!

**Just another 100 Themes, lol. These ones are a bit longer.**

21-30

21. Rape

The first time he and Pauline had done the "horizontal tango," as Gilan had dubbed it, Halt felt like he'd raped her after she woke up not knowing where she was for a few moments.

22. Odd

Now, Halt had always known his apprentice was odd, but when Gilan participated in Gay Day, his Weird-Dar exploded off the charts of strangeness.

23. Pretty

"I've noticed something about your apprentice, Halt," Crowley announced as he and the other Ranger watched Gil shoot at targets..

"Oh?"

"Yes, he's very pretty, isn't he?"

Halt, thoroughly disturbed, glared at his friend. "Why do you say that?" he asked through gritted teeth.

Crowley let out a 'tsk' and shook his head. "What a splendid head and yet…no brain," the sandy-haired man sighed sadly.

24. Juice

Gilan stared at the grape juice stain that was on the white carpet, his now empty glass clutched in his hand. The stain stared back. Then the young apprentice stared up at the livid Crowley.

"You better pray that comes out," Crowley growled.

"But I'm not religious!" Gil cried.

Halt rolled his eyes and walked into Crowley's kitchen, dragging the laughing Will behind him.

25. Hug

"Hug me."

Halt dropped his stack of papers and stared at Gilan. Crowley spewed coffee all over his friend's floor and started hacking and coughing.

"Hug me!" Gil repeated. The strange thing was the command wasn't directed at Halt, but at the seated Crowley.

"The devil?" Crowley shouted. His eyes darted around. "You talking to me?"

Gilan nodded. "Hug me," he said. He held out his arms. "I want one now."

"From me?"

"Yup!"

Crowley dashed out the door in a desperate attempt to escape. Gilan was hot on his heels. And Halt looked forlornly at his scattered papers.

26. Too Much

"Halt, do you think I talk too much?" Gilan asked. He and the Ranger were waiting for Crowley in Redmont's castle.

"Depends on whether or not you want your feelings hurt," Halt replied smoothly.

"Well, I was thinking about my parents, you know."

"Oh."

"Yeah, they were always saying I'm a chatterbox. And for the first nine years of my life I thought my name was Shut Up."

"I'm not surprised."

27. Hair

"Crowley, this is Gilan, David's son." Halt shoved Gilan forward. "Gil, this is Crowley."

The older Ranger prayed in vain that this wouldn't be a disaster.

Of course, his prayers were duly ignored.

"Wow, you got hair like a girl!" Gilan proclaimed. Behind him Halt squeezed his eyes shut as if the words from his apprentice's mouth had personally stabbed him in the kidneys.

Crowley blinked and then narrowed his eyes. "And you're an idiot. At least I can get a trim," he ground out from behind gritted teeth.

Gilan just shrugged and smiled widely. "Says you," he said cheekily.

28. Marble

"I don't want to ask but I'm going to," Halt said.

Gilan looked up from the marble in his palm. "Ask what?" he wondered.

"What are you going to do with that?" The older Ranger pointed at the little glass orb. He didn't appreciate the unholy grin on his apprentice's face. The Ranger watched as Gil trotted over to a small group of chattering women.

Gilan closed one eye and dropped the marble loudly. "OH, SHIT!" he bellowed. "My glass eye!"

With that the women screamed and scattered.

Halt slowly inhaled then exhaled. He shouldn't have asked.

29. Punishment

Whoever said that raising a teenager was like nailing jell-o to a tree had obviously met Gilan. Halt could only watch as his crazy apprentice darted around the coffee shop humming the song, Mission: Unachievable.

The older man wondered what he did in a previous life to deserve this.

30. Fire

Halt grimaced as he looked over the smoldering remains of his kitchen, with Gil sitting in the middle of the floor, clinging to an empty bucket.


	27. Lie

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Lie

Summary: The only reason Gilan ever started lying to people.

**Just a dribble this time, lol. I'll update again soon with a longer one xD!**

Lie

"What happened to your cheek?" Halt wondered. He was staring at the red hand print on his apprentice's unusually glum face.

"Well...an old lady asked me if her butt looked big in this dress that she was wearing. Since she asked I told her yes and she slapped me." Gilan looked flabbergasted at the entire situation.

"Gil, you were supposed to lie!"

"Oh. But I never lie, why start now?"

"I used to be the same way. But it turns out if you never lie, someone's always mad at you," Halt explained.

"Ooh!"

That was when Gilan _really_ started lying.


	28. 31 to 40

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Twenty-Nine: 31-40

Summary: Another theme's challenge :)

**Yay! I didn't take six thousand years to finally update again! Lol.**

31-40

31. Future

As horrible as his past had been, when he saw Pauline smile, Halt knew that the future held many promises.

32. Fire

Will decided he liked Alyss best when she was by a fire, just because of the way her eyes glowed.

33. Battle

Even through the blood and death of a battle, like a true father and mentor Halt found himself watching Will's every move, to make sure he would be all right.

34. Upside Down

Halt knew Gilan was crazy, but when he walked through his front door to find Gil hanging upside down from a rope attached to the ceiling he decided that his apprentice was certifiably insane.

35. Unseen

One of the best things about being a Ranger was being able to sneak up on his apprentices.

36. Swear

When Gilan stubbed his toe and proceeded to say every swear word in the book, Halt decided that he was spending too much time with Crowley.

37. Do Not Disturb

Will had never paid much attention to the Do Not Disturb sign lying casually on Alyss's dresser until they'd had a fight and he found himself staring at it while locked outside their bedroom.

38. Emotional

When asked what annoyed him the most about Halt, Crowley would reply without hesitation, "He's more emotional than a bitch on her period."

39. Gone

Whenever Gilan disappeared on a mission, Jenny always slept on the couch so his smiling face would be the first thing she saw when she woke up.

40. Haunted

Alyss always found it strangely endearing how Will went out of his way to sneak up behind her and incite a few frightened screams.


	29. Upside Down

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty: Upside Down

Summary: Gilan is upside down. Why? Halt has no idea.

**This is one based off of my last theme's challenge thing. One was titled "Upside Down."**

Upside Down

Gilan was upside down. Why, Halt had no idea. Suspended by a rope attached to his poor ceiling, Gil's eyes were closed and he seemed to be asleep. How this was possible, Halt also had absolutely no idea. But his insane apprentice had managed it.

"Gil?" he questioned, setting down his longbow and frowning. Gilan murmured in his sleep, and let out a soft snore. "Gilan? Wake up, Gil. I'm home."  
"Wha...?" Gilan opened his eyes slowly, squinting as he adjusted to the sudden explosion of light. "Oh. Hey, Halt. When did you get home? And...why the hell am I hanging down from the ceiling?"

Taking his saxe knife, Halt stared at Gilan incredulously. "What do you _mean,_ why are you hanging upside down? Didn't you hang yourself by the ankle?"  
After crashing down onto the floor after being cut down by his mentor, Gil bounced to his feet and went to the kitchen to get a snack. Halt followed him, intent on getting a straight answer. "Nope. Guess I was sleep walking or something, you know? I started dozing off, and fell asleep on the porch outside"—Halt looked both amused and angry at that—"and then woke up just now, hanging upside down. Sleep walking, I guess."

"Gil, you don't sleep walk," Halt said in exasperation.

"How do you know that?" Gilan said archly. "I've only been your apprentice for five weeks now. I could sleep walk all the time, and you just don't know it."

Halt looked disturbed. Maybe Gil did sleep walk...Who knows what the boy had gotten into during the night, when he'd been asleep and unaware of his sleep walking apprentice?

"So it's decided," Gilan announced, seemingly pleased. "I sleep walk." He snapped his fingers, looking suddenly regretful. "And to think, I nearly got away with it."


	30. The Art of Getting Drunk

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-One: The Art of Getting Drunk

Summary: A drunk Gilan is...interesting.

**I don't know where this came from. I really, really don't. xD! Sorry if they're a bit OOC, they're kinda drunk.**

The Art of Getting Drunk

There were times that watching a drunken Gilan was like watching a war ground. It could be gruesome, but you just couldn't look away. Pauline rather felt that she really should do something to stop the on coming destruction, but she really couldn't be bothered. She was pleasantly full of food and holding hands with Halt. All in all, she was quite content.

Gil, however, was drunk as a skunk, and Jenny was in the same state. The two of the kept alternating between flirting, quarreling, and kissing. In that order. It was sort of cute, but Pauline did have a bad feeling about this. Neither of those two was exactly thinking clearly. Halt shook his head at them and squeezed Pauline's hand reassuringly. Pauline just sighed and watched them. The pair had gotten to the quarreling stage again.

"You don't really love me!"

"What are you talking about, Jen? Of course I love you!"

Jenny sniffed. "If you really loved me, you would have gotten serious about us."

"What do you want? For me to propose?" Gilan glared at her. "You wouldn't say yes if I did."

"Why don't try it and find out?"

"Fine. Do you like fried chicken?" Gil demanded, and Jenny took that as a proposal.

"Of course, you idiot."

And then they were kissing again. Pauline shook her head and looked at Halt.

"So who's going to tell them they're engaged tomorrow?"


	31. 41 to 50

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Two: 41-50

Summary: Another Themes!

**Yay, I'm actually updating frequently for once! Lol.**

****Sorry if you got a message before that said I updated this chapter twice. I found a major mistake in it, took it down, fixed it, and here we are now. Sorry about that.**

41-50

41. Redesign

Halt thought he was going to have a heart attack when he discovered that Gilan had completely redecorated the cabin while he had been away on a mission. He was getting too old for this...

42. Space

People often commented on how Halt didn't let anyone but Pauline invade his personal space. When Pauline heard this she could only remark that "Halt doesn't have personal space; he has Pauline Space," and so of course only she's allowed to enter it.

43. Coming Home

Will had never known how happy going home could make a person when they knew they had someone waiting there for them.

44. Breakfast

The first time Gilan had ever managed to cook without burning the house down was also the day that Halt found out you could get food poisoning from bacon and eggs.

45. Eventually

Halt once asked Gilan if she would ever return all the things he had stolen during his childhood. He'd only shrugged while muttering, "Eventually."

46. What If...

"What if I catch the kitchen on fire again?" Gil's son asked fearfully.  
"What if horses flew out of my butt? We'd do the same thing: say 'Oh crap' and call for help."

47. Banned

As Will lay alone on the couch he was still trying to figure out what he had said to get him banned from his own bed. He would never understand women.

48. Storm

Gilan was like a big storm; loud, bright, and leaving Halt unable to sleep.

49. Sick

Will always thought it was funny how Halt would freak out over his littlest of colds.

50. Silence

Halt didn't celebrate the Day of Silence, but when he discovered that Will was participating it suddenly became his favorite time of year.


	32. Seeds

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Two: Seeds

Summary: Gilan questions different types of seeds.

**This...I don't even know. My four year old brother asked me this, and I just had to have crazy Gil say it as well.**

Seeds

"Seeds grow plants, right?" Gil asked out of the blue, which was normal for him.

"Yes, why?" Halt replied. He didn't even bother looking up from the Ranger report that he was reading; he was used to this kind of crazy stuff.

"So...does that mean that birdseed grow birds?"

"Gilan, I'm not even going to bother answering that."


	33. Polish

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Three: Polish

Summary: Gil likes sliding on floors.

**This one came to me out of the blue, while I was watching Fruits Basket with my significant other =D! Sorry for the swears, I should probably update these drabbles to T instead...Who thinks I should, just to be safe?**

Polish

"Um, sir?" the young man said carefully.

"Yes, what is it?" Halt asked absently. How unusual. The workers in Castle Redmont never approached him...unless... "Never mind. It's Gilan, isn't it?"

"Not yet, Ranger. But um...I should probably warn you that they just polished the marble in the main entrance of the building, sir."

Halt's eyes widened in abject horror and he dashed for the stairs. Oh no, oh no, hurry up! He hurried down the stairs, skidding as he sprinted. He finally arrived at the second floor and ran down the stairs to the main entrance. But it was too late.

Gil let out a whoop and in sock-covered feet he slid across the newly polished marble floor. Unfortunately, the young Ranger lost control and his arms waved helplessly around like a pinwheel in an effort to maintain his balance. All the while, as he slipped and slid around, Gilan was spewing out foul and inappropriate phases.

"DAMN IT! ARGH! SHIT! MOTHER EFFING FARG! OH NONONO! AAAH!" Gil fell ass over teakettle into one of the potted plants.


	34. Juice

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Four: Juice

Summary: "Are you sure that's juice?"

**This one I just got bored enough to write, heh.**

Juice

"Gilan!"

Gil fumbled with the empty jug of juice and attempted to hide it behind his back. "Oh! Hi, Halt!"

"Gilan, why is there a trail of orange juice leading all the way from here to the men's room?" Halt waved at said juice and the group of castle workers eying the bathroom door warily.

"You sure that's orange juice?" The teen just smiled at his mentor's glare.


	35. Wounded

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Five: Wounded

Summary: Gilan's in battle, and is wounded.

**Hello, my darlings! This one is a little ball of angst, so sorry =P! And then, I forget which fief Gil lives at, so I just put Redmont...he's still an apprentice here, then, I guess. Whatever xD! Anyhoo, enjoy!**

Wounded

It happened so fast. Gilan could barely process what was happening. One second he was defending Redmont from the random Skandians that had attacked, running purely on adrenaline, defending the fief with his life because he knew that if he didn't there would be no fief left to defend. And the next moment—

Then what? He could barely remember. It had happened so fast. Something had hit his chest, he remembered that much. He didn't know what it had been, but it had hurt. Lots. It had made him dizzy and weak and within a second, he was falling. That had been unexpected, and the only thing that the boy could think of as he plummeted down to the ground below, slipping on the blood, was how glad he was that Halt wasn't nearby, that his mentor was going to be fine and—

Then everything went black.

It had happened so fast.


	36. Extravaganza

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Six: Extravaganza

Summary: Halt takes Gilan and Will to see a play. THIS ONE IS RATED M!

**Hello, lovlies! Okay, so this one is a bit different. I'm kinda going for what Rowana Renee did here, with Halt taking care of a baby Will while Gil is his apprentice. Well, that's basically what it is here—a baby Will, learning how to talk. This one is definitely something to warn you about—there's a very bad swear word in here. Skip over it if you don't want to read an M rated one. You'll see what I mean. ;)**

Extravaganza

**RATED M! I'VE WARNED YOU!**

"Halt!"

The Ranger looked up at the sound of Gilan's voice; the boy materialized next to him a few seconds later. Looking around, he frowned when he couldn't see Will, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that the toddler was still sitting on the ground with a look of rapture on his face. "What is it, Gil?"

"C'mere," his apprentice urged, grabbing his hand and dragging him away from his coffee. "Will said his first word!"

"He did?" Halt hurried after Gilan, and they both dropped down to their knees next to Will. The baby blinked a few times, and then his dark brown eyes went wider than usual as he saw Halt. He made a cooing sound that made Gil smile. The corner of Halt's mouth twitched upward, and then turned downward as Will spoke.

"Fuck."

"What the..." Halt looked horrified, and quickly swung Will up into his arms while carrying him away before he could corrupt the other children with his filthy language. "Will, where did you hear that word?"

Will only cooed happily, and snuggled up next to his chest. One of his little shoes fell off, and he wiggled his toes before Gil carefully put the shoe back on. "I fucking love you..."

"Do you think he knows what it means?" Gilan whispered, snickering. Halt instantly turned on him.

"You taught him this, didn't you?" he accused. "Gilan, how could you?"

"I didn't teach him!" Gil protested. "_I_ taught him how to say 'I love you.' Not...you know. Here—I think it's the play you took us to. Listen!"

The three of them all fell silent, watching the men and women dance up on stage. "All right, kids," one man said loudly, "are you ready to sing the alphabet with us?"

"Yes, Mr. Alphabet Avenue," the children chorused.

"Okay! Sing along with us, then!" the man exclaimed before they all began to sing.

_"A is for apple, B is for banana, C is for chop your fucking head off, and D is for damn you to hell! E is for..."_

Halt slowly walked away, with a blank expression on his face. Will was joyously crying out his new words, and mothers looked on in absolute horror at the baby's tainted words. "Gilan," Halt finally said, choking out the word.

Gil winced. "Yes, Halt?"

"I'm never taking either of you to one of these plays again."

**Don't complain if you didn't want to read this. I warned you three times—go ahead and count. Hate mail, as always, is welcome =D!**


	37. Match

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Match

Summary: Their love is an accident waiting to happen.

**Yay! We only have 13 more chappies to go until it's finished! The next one of these will be another themes, lol. I'll get it done in like, five minutes (half of it is already written). Oh, and it's about Gil and Jenny, hehe.**

Match

Their love is an accident waiting to happen. They both know this.

All it will take is a spark, a fragment of golden warmth that will ignite a maelstrom of fire. All who stand without will be in awe. The two who stand within will be at war.

Everyone knows they will clash, endlessly, but they will be together.

All it will take is a spark.

Her hand brushes his as he tries to walk past. She lets her fingers linger on his cool skin, savoring the feeling.

In one hand, she holds him.

In the other, a lit match.

**Ah...poor Gil.**


	38. Goo

Of Waffles and Kleptomaniacs

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Goo

Summary: BOOM! 'Nuff said.

**Yeah, uh...I lied. The NEXT one will be a themes xD! I found this randomly sitting around in one of my unnamed document thingies, and was like, "I HAVE TO PUT THIS UP!" I think I wasn't gonna, because it's a bit stupid...but whatever.**

Goo

_BOOM!_

The entire cabin building rocked from the explosion. Halt managed to catch his prized, one of a kind Hibernian cherry blossom vase. Unfortunately, he didn't get to save his super expensive and somewhat broken—thanks to Gil—coffee table, who's legs crumpled underneath it. The dark-haired Ranger didn't know whether to go on a rampage or to cry. Instead, he gently set his vase back in its stand and stalked into the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared.

The entire kitchen was white...from flour and something else that was liquid and dripping from his ceiling. And in the middle of the mess were Gilan and Crowley. Both were covered in the same white goop that was dripping from the ceiling.

"HE DID IT!" Crowley screamed, pointing at Gilan. He managed to fling more white goop onto the green-eyed youth with the gesture.

Gil smiled and nodded. "It was awesome," he breathed.

Halt did a full body twitch, exhaled slowly, whirled around on his heel, and walked away. Now, where had he put his longbow...?


End file.
